Goals for 2022 and 2023

GOALS FOR 2022

1. Work on finishing the house. Finish the bedroom, the spare room, get a real dining room table set.

   • Well, we’re still working on this, but we did make more changes to the house since adopting Banh Mi this year. He’s also helping us be better at maintaining the house so that he can roam around. Maybe this is practice for if we ever have to baby-proof the house by learning to bunny proof the house.

2. Complete the Dopey challenge/my first full marathon.

   • I still can’t believe I did this and that my first full marathon was along with a Dopey. I have no idea what I was thinking taking on this feat but I am so glad it’s over with and I can finally say that I did it. What’s worse, my friend Harrison talked me into the Brooklyn Half as part of his bigger scheme getting me to qualify for the NYC Marathon for 2023. This wasn’t an original goal when I started the year and somehow here we are. I have now successfully finished all my qualifiers. I honestly thought I’d never do it, but then again a few years ago, I also thought I’d never do a Dopey. I know some people are saying, “Why not? You got this after a Dopey,” but honestly, a full marathon on it’s own is still absolutely challenging and daunting to think about.

3. Workout goals: Reach a full split. Unassisted pull-up.

   • I don’t want to talk about this.

4. LEARN MY DAMN CAMERA ALREADY.

   • I don’t want to talk about this either.

5. Regular closet clean-outs.

   • I said I’d try to do this 2x a year and I did! I listed and sold a lot of items too on my Poshmark/Depop, and donated a lot too. I would love to make this more regularly but making the time to do this is challenging when you’re a super procrastinator like me, as well as having a million things to always (want to) do.

6. Work on being more sustainable.

   • I’ve been trying to cut down on my shopping. I don’t go to the mall as often and when I did this year, I often came back empty handed because there was just not a lot that piqued my interest. And when I did buy new items, I tried to make sure it was something I could style and wear with several different outfits, something I’d get a lot of wears out of. I’ve been trying to re-wear and restyle outfits for shoots as well.

7. Cut my hair.

   • I haven’t cut off all the processed ends but I did get my haircut at the beginning and the end of this year to cut off all the dead ends and reshape my layers. It’s helped to make my hair feel so much healthier and fuller, cut down on breakage, and accelerate healthy hair growth. Hopefully I can get rid of all the processed ends in 2-3 years time as well as getting it to grow again beyond what seems like it’s current terminal length.

8. Work on my CEs.

   • If I’m being honest, I did like 2. But next year I really have to do them, no excuses because it’s renewal year.

9. Get rid of backlog and post in real time again.

   • I’m all caught up! I’m wondering if I want to continue posting in 3s again for the aesthetics or go back to posting whatever again. I also hate writing captions. Sometimes I just want to post pics and leave it be. Why does everything have to have value to be important or get views. Why can’t I just see my friends’ cute lives.

10. Go on a vacation with just hubby again.

    • We went on a cruise this May and it was one of my favorite most intimate vacations. And I’m not talking about the $3x! We just were able to connect on a deeper level with no internet or other people in the way when left with just each other’s company. I would really love to do this again but I think it’ll be a little challenging with our financial status in trying to be more conservative and save next year after this December crushing us so hard.

GOALS FOR 2023

1. Connect more with my husband with more one on one time.

   • I really enjoyed our cruise vacation where it was just us. Honestly, I don’t know if we’ll be able to take a vacation together at all next year with our financial situation so I want to find more/different opportunities for us to be together and disconnect, whether it be quick nearby road trips, date nights, etc.

2. House train Banh Mi so he can free roam better.

   • Who had us becoming pet parents in 2022 on their bingo card? Cause I definitely didn’t. But I fell in love with this little mush and I’m hoping we can definitely better train him to responsibly roam around the house on his own because I really hate cooping him up in the hutch when I have to be gone all day. I can’t imagine being confined in a small space myself for too long with not much to do so I would like for him to be able to entertain himself around the house without making too much trouble.

3. Finish my CEs for this renewal period.

   • I just need to sit down, sign up for all the classes and remember to do it. I have til August and I know I can speed through them when push comes to shove.

4. Learn to drive stick.

   • I need to get rid of my car and get something that handles better in the snow. I hate feeling like I’m going to die in the winter when a bad storm hits and my car spins out. But I don’t want to buy a new car or even look at cars honestly. So the closest resolution would be for me to learn to drive stick so I can drive the hubby’s STI and he can buy whatever new car he wants. I’m terrified of learning to drive stick though. I’m worried I won’t pick it up and will suck at it but I guess we’ll never know until we try.

5. Complete a world major by running the NYC 2023 marathon.

   • I actually never had this on my bingo card either but through having bad friends, here we are. Everyone keeps saying I already ran an marathon once, so what’s so hard about doing it again? Everything. A marathon is just hard in general. I wanted it to be a one and done accomplishment because I found it so hard. But here we are. I’m really nervous about running this distance again so fingers crossed I can get through it.

6. Take a cooking class or some type of fun class with the hubs.

   • I’ve always wanted to do this. Just have no idea where I can sign up for them. I want to learn to make pasta or something fun and make a cute date night out of it.

7. Play video games more regularly with the hubs.

   • This is more for hubs than it is for me. But I do want to make more effort since he does a lot for me and puts up with all the photos I want to take and all the dumb places I want to venture off to. I really do suck at video games but for some reason he still enjoys it when I play with him so I want to try and make some time for him more often doing things he enjoys.

8. Declutter my closet, my house, my photo albums/storage.

   • It would just be really nice to really finish my house best we can by getting rid of all the clutter. And then hopefully we can build from there. So this is basically a baby step/stepping stone to finishing the house.

9. Work on my mental health and practice more gratitude.

   • I want to work on my anxiety and also stop overthinking and creating paranoid scenarios in my head thinking my friends hate me and get out of my imposter syndrome. I need to work on reflecting more on what I do have, instead of what I don’t have. I also want my weight to stop controlling how I feel about myself on a day to day basis, especially when I look back in retrospect, I realize I looked fine when I thought I wasn’t. I need to stop letting these demons win.

10. Sign up for swimming lessons.

    • One day when I head back to the tropics for a beautiful warm vacation, I would love to be able to just float in the water and relax. I would like to get in the water and not feel like I’m drowning. I have a fear or taking swimming lessons though because I don’t want to show up to a class full of kids and here my adult ass is, with my floaties on my arms, lol. But sooner or later, I would really love to be able to swim.

Year in review

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The other day I was feeling down thinking I had wasted my entire year doing absolutely nothing. And then when I actually reflected, I realized I was just an idiot. I did A LOT. So much I forgot about it all. I was jumping from one thing to the next, it ended being a blur.

Running

I started off the year crazy stupid ambitious. I remember a year ago around this time, I was so stressed and anxious about Dopey. A big storm was about to pass through and I left work early to get a day head start on driving down to Florida. And it was a really good thing we did because had we left even half a day later, we would have been stuck in a huge traffic mess. The major highway leading down to Virginia was a standstill for over a day, if I remember. People were stuck in their cars overnight due to all the accidents from the snow. It was crazy. We had drove right through it before it got impassable. I was so relieved. And then the entire week at Disney felt like chaos. As much fun as I had in the parks during the day, it was a lot of stress getting enough sleep, waking up and getting to the races on time and completing them all. It was quite a journey. So much happened. But in the end, I successfully completed it. I still can’t believe it to this day I did it. It still feels unreal. I want to say it’s probably one of my craziest and proudest achievements of my life. Those 6 months of training was a roller coaster and I’m glad I got through it. I’m proud of how far I’ve come because completing this challenge was proof to me that if I worked hard, dedicated the time and energy to it, I can honestly do anything if I set my mind to it. Cause a few years ago, I would’ve told you you were crazy if I was ever going to be able to run a full marathon, let alone a Dopey 48.6 miles.

And then batshit crazy me ran all the way back to Disney in February to do the Princess Challenge AGAIN. I completed my 2nd in person Princess challenge and 3rd Princess weekend (first year I only did the half, not the challenge). I had one of the best experiences on this trip too having developed more friendships within the running community over the years and it was so nice finally getting to meet everyone in person!

I was also hoping to do a faster time than my previous half marathon PR on this trip but fell short. Looking back, all my runs since Dopey have been a little off and I'm realizing now it's because I was pushing my body to do so many long runs and so many races without properly recovering and resting. And then I took this summer off and realized I had to build myself back up again to where I last left off with my speed, stamina and endurance. I need to find a happy medium of maintenance training so I can avoid going too hard and risking injury, and not resting too long in between that it feels so strenuous starting up again. I need to work on that for 2023, to avoid the burnout, because I definitely pushed myself more than I had intended. In January, I only had WDW Dopey, Princess Half weekend and the DC Cherry Blossom 10 miler for my race season. Then it expanded to the Brooklyn Half, which then snowballed into the 9 + 1 qualifier for the NYC 2023 Marathon. Now that I’m sitting here thinking about it, I realized I ran 17 races this year! Holy hell. I only intended for 8, which I felt was overwhelming enough so it’s crazy how I went way over that. No wonder I felt burnt out. All those early mornings traveling to the city to get them done was tough. All in all, this was a very busy race season for me and I learned a lot about myself and what my body can endure. I learned a lot about running too and the work that goes into training for a full and how different it is from a half. I learned about how important hydration, fueling, stretching, proper training, sleep, nutrition and recovery are all key to a successful race experience. The most important too is your mental health. This is important to help get you through the hardest parts of training because those walls are real.

Fitness Journey

I should be more proud of myself for my non-scale victories and stop allowing myself to be disappointed by the number on a scale. Although! The number on the scale, when broken down, shows my fat percentage to be on a low end, and my protein/muscle composition to be high so I should be proud of the work I’ve been putting in. The weight gain, while discouraging at times, is actually very healthy and something other people strive really hard for so I should practice gratitude for what my body is able to achieve.

My non-scale victories I want to commend, is how hard I’ve worked over the years to maintain my active lifestyle. Because that’s truly what it is now, a big part of my daily routine so much that I don’t feel good unless I get some movement in. And I’m proud of how much I’ve done in trying different things to cross-train to switch things up and keep it interesting and fun. I go to the gym, lift weights, run, walk with my husband, practice Blogilates, hell I even did another round of Insanity this summer! I try to get in my steps everyday. I tell myself to be active for at least 30 minutes when I’m strapped for time but for the most part I try to work out for an average of 1-2 hours a day. I’m really proud of myself for making this a healthy habit.

I also was given the opportunity to work with Popflex and Crowned Athletics on several projects this year which I’m definitely very proud of to be considered for. I always get imposter syndrome about it, but I really appreciate when a brand genuinely reaches out because I align with their brand. This was a big milestone for me.

travel

I was fortunate enough to be able to travel and go on several vacations this year. I went to Disney World twice and participated in 2 race weekends, Disneyland, Bermuda and DC. Sometimes I get sad about not being able to afford Europe and Asia travels to explore new destinations but I’ve still been very fortunate.

This is also probably why I’m depressed about my financial situation. Had I not been so reckless with all these trips trying to chase a molecule of serotonin, this December might not have hurt as much with all the financial curveballs thrown at me this month. We just had to replace our washer and dryer since ours broke and it would cost more to fix than replace. And then I was due for my car inspection but interestingly enough, my check engine light went off and a month later, here I am, $4k in the hole to fix the issue. On top of our heating bill, regular bills and of course, the added costs and stress of Christmas. It’s been a little rough and overwhelming because it was a lot of financial hits all at once, especially in December. Although I shouldn’t complain. As financially stressful as it’s been, I am still very fortunate. I have my health, my family, and my absolutely amazing husband by my side helping me navigate all these issues. I sat there at Christmas reflecting and realized I need to practice more gratitude. I have not one but several places to go to for the holidays because I am fortunate enough to have healthy family connections. And at each gathering I attended, we were blessed with such an abundance of good food to eat at each.

We aren’t rich or anything, but we are happy, healthy, and honestly want for nothing. I am showered with love by friends, family and my amazing husband. I can’t stress this enough because I really need to get it through my head when my demons come to play and make me think otherwise.

Photoshoots

I got to continue building my portfolio and work with a lot of new people who have become very good friends of mine in a short amount of time! I cut down on pop-ups this year, opting instead to work more on my portrait micro posing skills, as well as re-do old shoots with my current hair. I also got to finally complete a video/shoot project I’ve been wanting to do for a long time but we couldn’t find a good location till this summer and it was definitely worth the wait because when it all finally came together, it turned out absolutely epic. Sometimes you don’t need a busy pop-up with a million things going on in the background all the time. You just need good lighting, a simple outfit, your best angles and poses and you can make anything work. I love everything I got to create this year and everyone I had the opportunity to work with, both old and new friends.

Banh Mi

Halfway through the year, somehow we became pet parents adopting a baby bunny after the hubby fell in love with them at a petting zoo. We’ve always talked about a pet but could never agree on anything nor have the time for one but somehow this worked out. Now it’s been 5 months since we had this little stinker and as mischievous as he’s been, just like a little child, we still are absolutely head over heels in love with him at the end of the day. It’s so funny how he has his own little personality and is temperamental sometimes but also lovable. Is this what having a child is like? No matter how much of a shithead he is, at the end of the day when I look over at his cute face I can’t help but want to kiss his stupid face. I’m glad bunnies have a life expectancy of 8-10 years but oh are we in for the biggest heartbreak when it happens. And to think, it’s only been 5 months with this baby boy.

Reflection

Did I peak in 2018? I mean, how much more can I do in 2019 to step up my game in everything? But you don’t know if you don’t go. I’m ready to jump into 2019 and see what great things lay ahead. Cheers to 2018 and it’s great gifts, and here’s to what the new year will bring us!

You know, I wrote this in 2018 at the first year of my blog and it’s funny because even sitting now, I’m like what can I possibly do in 2023 that will surpass 2022 because 2022 was a pretty big year, especially when it came to ambitious running goals. But life has a funny way of still surprising us as time goes on. At the beginning of 2022, Dopey was the farthest I dreamed. I definitely did not see me running 17 races this year and qualifying for the NYC marathon. I never had any ambitions of completing that but here we are. I’m actually nervous for what’s to come in 2023 because I feel like some of it is uncharted waters. I don’t have any other crazy goals of mountains to climb, but I am looking for a bit more stability. Before December threw me for a financial curveball, I was actually really proud because I had cleared myself of all my credit card debt and ready to tackle on my student loans debt when they were supposed to resume in the new year. And then all the shit hit the fan and I’m back at square one as I pay off these financial messes. Luckily the student loan pause has been further extended to the summer, so fingers crossed I can clean this mess again before then and hopefully stay that way. I want to be able to start saving again and plan for the future. This is probably why I’m walking into 2023 with a bit of caution. Usually I’m ready to jump in headfirst but this year feels more like uncertainty for me. I have no idea what this year holds and honestly it makes me nervous. I know it holds growth and growth always forces us outside our comfort zone, which explains why I’ve been feeling very uncomfortable in my life lately. I know it’s necessary for the bigger picture but is it wrong to want to stay in your comfort zone a little longer? Le sigh. 2023, please be good to me.

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Goals for 2021 and 2022

GOALS FOR 2021

1. Work on finishing the house. Finish the bedroom, the spare room, get a real dining room table set.

   • LOL, still a work in progress. This is getting carried over into 2022.

2. Work on a brand new portfolio.

   • A year later, I’ll still admit l am not comfortable with my dark hair. I still miss the blonde. But again, I don’t miss the upkeep, the dry damaged strands and everything else. But I’ve definitely grown a little more comfortable and this year I worked on 28 shoots total for the year and I love a LOT of the shots. One of my favorites is actually a simple studio shoot with nice lighting. No elaborate backdrop, location or wardrobe.

3. Disney goals: Mickey balloons and more Disney bounds

   • Jasmine, Megara, Belle/Up bound, Woody, Princess Leia, 50th anniversary/Belle, Wilderness Explorer repeat (oldie but a goodie) and Mickey bound. Even completed one of my bucket list shoots as Lock, Shock and Barrel for a Halloween shoot, as well as redo my Halloweentown Mayor as a brunette.

   • For the balloons, I had two different goals. I wanted to buy a rainbow bouquet of them to shoot with, and then give away to various guests throughout the park and make their day. I did finally shoot this, but not in Disney. I ended up getting party city balloons in NYC and doing Up at Anime NYC while helping my sister booth and it turned out pretty great. Secondly, I wanted to take a few Mickey balloons home. We road tripped twice this year to Disney and on the first trip I forgot to buy them in time to bring home but on the second trip, I was successful in bringing home two. They’re still floating in my living room.

4. Perfect a no-makeup makeup look.

   • Halfway through the year, I got super lazy as I got more focused on my race training and wanted more time to work out so I forfeited my extra time getting ready for work. I stopped wearing makeup altogether. All I did was put on moisturizer and walk out the door. Towards the last month though, experimenting with different eyeliners to find the most marathon-friendly one, I started wearing eyeliner again and realized I have gotten really fast at applying it. I don’t think I’ve perfected a no-makeup makeup look but I definitely have gotten more comfortable going without. But don’t get me wrong, I still love a good full face when I have the opportunity to get all done up, especially for shoots.

5. Try new workouts. Look for more new running trails. Go on more walks with the husband.

   • I started out the year with the #21daytone Blogilates challenge and I never thought I would end up being one of the challenge winners! And today I can proudly say I completed all 12 months of Blogilates workout calendars. I really love the workouts and it’s been a great addition to my weight lifting and running when I want to switch things up to keep it from getting boring or monotonous. I love that they’re not as intimidating as Insanity and very doable but still challenging so I look forward to these workouts when I get a chance to fit it into my routine.

   • I did find some trails here and there, and learned that I like track running, as the impact is not as damaging on my body and safer than running in my neighborhood having to worry about dogs, terrible drivers swerving or not properly observing traffic. My hubby also ran with me for a few months which I enjoyed a lot. I wish he liked it more to do it more often and for a longer distance.

6. Take dance or pole lessons to work on my flexibility.

   • I wasn’t able to find any classes or lessons local to me that were available within my days/time off unfortunately. Especially due to the pandemic and limited offerings. I do want to continue working on my flexibility though. My splits have definitely gotten better and I’m almost to the floor. It’s still going to take some time but I’m getting there. I’ve gotten some yoga blocks and a stretching strap to help, I just need to incorporate more stretching into my routine more regularly. I’m actually very bad at this when it comes to consistency.

7. LEARN MY DAMN CAMERA ALREADY.

   • I’m not even going to talk about this anymore. I’m a POS.

8. Read one book a month. Finish a damn series if I start it on Netflix or whatever streaming service I’m using.

   • I started out the first 4 months of the year strong…and then got lazy going to the library, lol. But I definitely attained my goal of finishing up all my shows! I even re-started and caught up on The Walking Dead and it’s actually pretty good.

9. Be more organized.

   • I added more drawers to my closet and I started cleaning/organizing it more regularly to keep it tidy so less of a mess builds up!

10. Get rid of all credit card debt by the end of this year. Go back to being able to pay bills in full.

    • I have literally one more month left and I’ll be free of this! I’m excited.

GOALS FOR 2022

1. Work on finishing the house. Finish the bedroom, the spare room, get a real dining room table set.

   • Rolling this over from 2021, I do realistically want to work on this. I just need to actually set aside time to dedicate to it, a timeline, do it. Once I set a concrete plan, I know I can do it. I do want to go through a lot of things and throw it away and de-clutter more of my life.

2. Complete the Dopey challenge/my first full marathon.

   • I know this is a little ridiculous to put on here but I’ve been training for 6 months on top of the past 4 years of being consistent with running but this is something I’m really proud to be taking on at the very beginning of this year and even if it’s over quickly, I damn well want full credit for the work I put in.

3. Workout goals: Reach a full split. Unassisted pull-up.

   • I know I need to lean more into these goals and complete them already instead of doing easy reps. I want to work on flexibility and upper body strength. I want to be able to pull myself up if ever in a situation that calls for it.

4. LEARN MY DAMN CAMERA ALREADY.

   • One day.

5. Regular closet clean-outs.

   • I want to make a goal to do this at least twice a year, if not 4 times, eventually once every season. List items online to sell, donate the rest.

6. Work on being more sustainable.

   • I’m terrible at this because I’m an impulsive shopper. But I do want to cut down on my fast fashion/trendy purchases and try to limit my purchases to more long term wear items and ask myself if I’ll wear this more than 1-2 times. I’m at the age where I should be picking more classic, timeless pieces. I’ve never had a problem with outfit repeating anyway. I just need to continue on with my virtual lookbook so I have an easy gallery of outfits at hand to pick from instead of tearing apart my closet every time.

7. Cut my hair.

   • Grow my hair long enough to cut off the old chemically processed roots. Maybe get a new haircut finally for the first time in years? I wouldn’t go short as I never found short hair for me, but maybe a new style.

8. Work on my CEs

   • The next renewal period is coming up for my pharmacy license and I know I can superman this shit if I just dedicate time to it like the last two renewals.

9. Get rid of backlog and post in real time again.

   • I’m going to try and not focus so much on a curated feed and just post what I like, when I want again. It doesn’t make for a pretty feed but I’ll see if the two can coincide sometimes.

10. Go on a vacation with just hubby again.

    • It’s funny when everyone’s schedules didn’t align and I went on vacations with just my husband, I missed having my friends with me to share the experiences with. I always texted them on vacation, “I wish you guys were here too.” And these past few years, ironically during the pandemic, have been with more friends. And now I realize I miss what I had. I still love my friend vacations but I also enjoy having intimate moments, dinners, experiences with just us. It’s a hard thing to balance though because when you have friends, at least they can take your couple pics for you, haha. It’s harder on a couples only vacation because I don’t trust randos to take decent pics for me and it’s not always easy to find a photographer to book depending on where I’m going. But it would be nice to have time to ourselves again. I love both vacations, with friends and just us.

Reflection on 2021

At first I thought nothing really happened in 2021, it was just a continuation of the pandemic but then looking back on my Google photos backed up, I realized a LOT happened. It's crazy. So what happened?

Both my bffs are in healthy, happy relationships with partners I absolutely LOVE for them and I can't scream to the heavens loud enough about how happy this makes me. Seeing them happy makes me so happy. That's all.

I traveled to DC for cherry blossoms, Salem for spooky season, frolicked in North Fork blooms all summer, went on so many cute dates with the hubby and was fortunate enough to go to Disney twice this year! And with my entire Ohana too for my birthday. It's been something I've been wanting to do for a while now and I'm so glad we finally got to do a family trip again and had an amazing time doing everything we wanted.

I started this year out trying a new type of workout called Blogilates and ended up winning the #21daytone! And then continued on to complete an entire year of Blogilates calendar workouts. I used to be the girl who quit after 2 weeks of Insanity. Who am I? I'm actually very proud of my consistency since I started my fitness commitment to myself in 2018.

I also committed to and trained for 6 months for the Dopey challenge. A few years ago this was never a goal of mine bc I thought it was so incredibly impossible and unrealistic. I checked my Samsung Health app and I ran and walked a total off 1192 miles for 2021. I ran the furthest I've ever ran in a run too, 26 miles. It's crazy.

I got the opportunity to work with several new brands; East Meets Dress, Crowned Athletics, Buckle Down, and most recently in time for the Dopey challenge, Popflex! I still get imposter syndrome from time to time so I want to say thank you to these brands for taking the time and giving me the chance.

I also got the opportunity to work with several new photographers this year. It was a challenge looking for new people to network and work with pre-pandemic and it's been hard trying to coordinate shoots during as well. So to all my friends, old and new, I want to say thank you for taking the time. My best friend got a new camera and started more serious into photography and ended up taking some of my most favorite photos that make me absolutely love my dark hair. My hubby has been eagerly taking me on cute dates to take cute IG photos and worked hard when we were in Disney to get me the empty park photos I’ve been longing for. I got to take dreamy cherry blossom girly photos in DC when I visited for spring. I even got to do a shoot in a kimono which was another experience I've been dying to do. I spent a LOT of time shooting in Central Park this year but loved every minute of it. Some of my absolute favorite photos were taken this year and I'm still absolutely in love with them looking back at it all. In retrospect, I shot a lot and am really grateful to everyone who took the time, made the time to work with me.

I'm not sure yet what I want 2022 to do for me but here's to more adventures, photos and opportunities.

The Next Hurdle

Would you believe me if I told you 10 years ago I almost dropped out of pharmacy school?

I walked out of St John’s pharmacy building after checking one of my exam grades, in tears. I was really worried about how the rest of the semester would go. I failed an exam of a class that banked on just two exams for your final grade. Nothing else. No homework, participation, etc. And if you failed that class, it barred you from taking the rest of the semester’s classes because of the way St John’s sets up the program. It’s all or nothing, which is a really terrible idea for a program honestly and sets you up for failure. Nevermind that their ‘teaching’ methods are honestly a joke. But back to the point. I was on the brink of “Is this really for me?,” “How am I ever going to pull this off?,” “There’s no way I can pass with a high enough score to even out this failing grade…” I was ready to walk into the dean’s office and tell him that was it. I was done.

So I did. I walked into the pharmacy building the next day to talk to the head chair and… was talked out of it, lol. You know one of the funniest things about St John’s (at the time at least) was that the professors are absolute hell out to fail you, but Dean Mangione and Assistant Dean Joseph Etzel are absolute sweethearts. They somehow talked me off the ledge and back into the fray. I wish I remembered how but all I remember was walking away from that meeting and working towards giving it one last shot. I mustered up my courage to ask my classmates and friends for help and in the end, the people who are still in my life today, are the people that came through. They sent me all their notes, exam study tips, old exams, study sheets, etc. They would text me after their own exam, circling everything they could remember so I would know what to focus on and study. And then in 2012, spoilers, I walked out of those halls with a diploma and pharmacy degree in hand. Later that summer, I passed my licensing exam and was officially a pharmacist.

I did a lot in the past decade when I look back at it. If I had told 2010 me where I would be in 2020, I would've thought she was joking. I mean, I dreamed and had goals but I never really thought I would get it all done. I had no idea back then what it took to plan and execute a wedding. How to buy a car. How to buy a house. Hell, how to take care of your own house as a homeowner. How to take care of shit every time your car decides it wants you to throw more money into it to fix something. How to make your own travel plans. How to travel. How to handle getting sued. How to do your taxes. How to hire a lawyer. How to manage a business like a well oiled machine. How to train people to work the way you want and build a team. How to handle rude and sometimes racist customers hellbent on fighting you and trying to get you to break the law for them. How to fight the red devil and fight fire with fire when being bamboozled by an evil corporation. How to go on job interviews and win them over. How to figure out if the job is right for you and if you're being lowballed. How to adjust to a new job with lower pay but better quality of life in the long run so you downsize to make ends meet. How to live on your own and have to cook and prepare your own meals. How to save and budget. How to entertain guests and throw house/dinner parties. How to go to physical therapy to correct body movement issues so you can run again. How to have balance in your relationships so that both of you are happy. How to set aside time for each other when you're on opposite busy schedules and give the other person room to grow. How to maintain your friendships despite schedules not aligning and how to recognize when to cut the cord on the toxic ones. How to exercise. How to eat clean. How to lose weight and stay on the right track. How to maintain an active lifestyle. How to adult 101. How to, how to, how to.

Every hurdle is scary when you don’t know how to do something. It’s uncomfortable. It makes you feel like giving up a lot, at times. It feels like the little engine that could. You’re just pushing up a hill, worried the whole time that everything is going to crash and burn. Until you finally get through it and you look back and you’re like DAMN. I DID THAT.

And sometimes, like my pharmacy school experience, you’re going to fail. You’re going to fall down a few times and feel like you hit rock bottom. But it doesn’t mean you FAILED-FAILED. It doesn’t mean the end. It just means you gotta get back up and try again. Try something different. Try harder. Ask for help. Look for another way.

This was also me in the past decade as I struggled with my weight issues for a few years trying to find out what worked for my body in order to properly lose the weight I was piling on. I thought cardio and HIIT workouts would help but saw no results. When I finally broke down and reached out for help, a friendly and willing gym member took me on and pushed me through to help me get the results I wanted so badly. I learned discipline, patience and consistency. I learned that weight lifting would not make me ‘bulky.’ And it wasn’t just for guys. It would actually tone me more than any amount of cardio ever would. I learned that my portions were way out of control. I learned to cut back and eat smaller portions and how to select the right foods to lose weight, maintain weight, and to reduce my body’s bloat problems. I learned I actually really like working out and now I continue to do it as part of my daily routine to feel normal and to give me a boost of energy to start my day.

I could go on. There are so many trial and errors, fails, etc that I did in the past 10 years. And they all taught me the same thing, I would say. I am resilient and I am stronger than I know in moments of adversity.

I get asked a lot on how I built such a ‘perfect’ life but there’s nothing easy or perfect about it. My life only looks easy on the internet because let’s face it, no one is posting their failures. But trust me, I’m there struggling and working through it too, like everyone else. I know we all feel like we’re less than perfect but trust me when I tell you that EVERYONE is going through it. The problem truly is that you’re comparing your timeline to someone else’s. But social media is powerful both ways. It also allows people to open up and be vulnerable in sharing their story because they feel courage in other people sharing theirs. It should also give you hope too. If that person can make it through their day despite their obstacles, you can make it through too. Don’t ever feel like you’re less than perfect just because another person on social media’s life looks like sunshine Barbie. You also don’t know what it took for them to get there or what they’re going through. You don’t know their story. But you do know yours and only you have the power to change its course if you don’t like where it’s currently heading. You just have to be willing to put in the work. Remember, no one said it was going to be easy, but I can tell you from my past 10 years of slowly building and putting my life together, it’ll be worth it. And I’m still working on it every day, one small step at at time.

Some of my hurdles for my next decade are conquering my student loan debt and managing my mortgage. Working on building my savings to be comfortable enough for if and when we decide to have kids. And if that happens, that’s going to be an even bigger hurdle on its own. Ideally, I would like to have a kid before I’m 36 if we do go down that path. I would love to have a dragon baby, same as me and my baby sister. But if we choose not to, we’re actually okay with that too. I’d also ideally would like to move out of NY one day and live in another state or another country. I just haven’t figured out the logistics in terms of pharmacy license transfer or just an all around career change. And sadly the places I want to live, aren’t exactly cheap either. But at least my husband is on the same page and willing to move when I’m ready. I’ll always be an NY girl at heart, but I do feel like there’s more out there for me. And if it falls through and I end up having to move back to NY, well, that’s okay too. It’s not the end. It’s a learning process. And when I talk to people who have made the move, it feels doable. I just have to be in a more financially stable stage of life to be more successful at making the move work. I also do have to downsize because if I eventually do move, I don’t want to take everything with me. I actually kind of want to start fresh. I want to work on that this year actually. Getting rid of a lot of clutter in my life. It’s funny because my personality is definitely EXTRA AF, but sometimes I wish I was a more simpler person in some ways. I think I’m going to get rid of a lot of jewelry and accessories and obnoxious VS bras sitting around in my closet untouched. Sometimes I want to throw it all out and hit the reset button. Maybe that’s what my 30s and this new decade is going to be about. Re-invention. Rebirth. Reborn into my next stage of life. My style has definitely toned down a lot since college days of 2010, that’s for sure. Some things have stayed the same and some things I’ve moved on from. I used to be afraid of throwing stuff out, thinking I might want this or need this later on, but I’ve learned to let go. There will always be something else.

I’m scared of failing as I tackle on the next stage of my life but I do believe at this point in my life, I do have enough support systems to help cushion the fall and help me get back on my feet when the time comes. I’m scared of taking the risks I know I’m going to have to take when I finally make the jumps I keep putting off because of my fear, but I’m working on learning to accept the failures to come as well as looking at life as “what IF I succeed?” instead of looking at all the worse case scenarios. I should plan accordingly to WHEN I succeed instead of prepping myself for if I don’t since the failures are just small stepping stones to push me further back up. This is probably why I’m so lost right now. I finished everything I set out to do post college but I never planned for anything after that. I need to set some new long term goals now that the old dreams are no longer dreams. I have no idea what I really want to accomplish in the next 10 years besides getting rid of my financial shackles and then traveling the world with the boy and my loved ones. I am also afraid of setting goals though because of the fear of failure. I mean, you can’t be disappointed if you didn’t have expectations set up, right? But there’s no fun in that. With great risk, there is also the possibility of greater rewards. I can’t and I shouldn’t live my life in fear. There are plenty of people out there with half my potential risking it and killing the game. So I really need to step up and take a chance and get through these hurdles. I need to and want to find more mountains to climb!

What are YOU looking to hurdle through for the next decade? Let’s see where I end up in the next 10 years!