Hey C,
I guess I don't have to start this out with a summary of what happened as you already know. I'm not going to waste your time by trying to rationalize what I did, because it's beyond rationalization. What do I want to do is apologize. I don't expect you to forgive me, since what I did is pretty unforgivable; I just want you to know that I am very sorry. I betrayed someone who was a friend and who expected me to behave like a friend to them. I honestly never meant to hurt your feelings. I guess I should have seen that as the inevitable outcome, but I'm clearly pretty dumb.
I should explain how this happened. I told an old friend of mine about you and showed her your tumblr. She's into fashion and art and stuff too, so I thought she'd enjoy your blog. That obviously didn't happen and instead of defending you or ignoring it, I joined in because I am weak and want people to like me. More people got involved and I went along with it instead of stopping it like I should have. I should stress that my friend isn't to blame here, I am. I admit that I saw the facebook picture and jumped to a conclusion that was off-base and thought it was immature and immediately reacted even more immaturely.
I do like you, Chinh. You've been a very good friend to me over the years and you don't deserve this. I know what it feels like to have a friend hurt you and it sucks and I'm sorry. I don't think badly of you. You've always been great to me and M. You're fun and funny and you deserve a better friend than me. I hope you can forgive me someday because my heart is breaking thinking that we'll never speak again. I understand if you can't and I honestly wish you the best in life.
-B
In college a friend emailed me this letter. Someone had discovered they were making fun of my tumblr on their Twitter accounts with their friends. Honestly I would have never known because I didn’t have Twitter. I was disappointed but I didn’t feel that affected about it at the time because I didn’t think my connection with this person was that deep. It was just weird because I didn’t think someone who didn’t know me that well, felt so strongly negative about me to talk shit about me on the internet to other strangers. When I was shown the receipts, I laughed about it with my other friends. Then this person discovered I knew and within hours I received this email. I wasn’t really expecting an apology at the time.
But now looking back, I realized how vulnerable this was to write and how emotionally mature it was for this person to own up to what they did and take full accountability. It showed honesty, respect and humility to be able to identify when your actions can cause hurt, and not make excuses for them. They didn’t try to justify or explain why they did something. They simply took responsibility for what they did and apologized, understanding that what was done was unacceptable regardless of the intent because impact matters more.
I appreciate now the effort this person took to remain in my life, even today, keeping in touch, always making an effort to sit at my table at weddings and catch up, rooting for me and staying up to date on my stories and posts. I wish I was closer to this person now that I think about it because it is really hard to find people like that. The ones who stay interested despite their differences. The ones who make the effort to get to know your little quirks and interests, the ones who make the time and don’t view your friendship as a burden. The ones who get excited to see you. Who look forward to all the opportunities to connect with you, even if they’re small. The ones who jump into photos, wanting to make memories. The ones who look forward to seeing your circle pop up with a new story, feed post, notification. The ones whose heart would break at the thought of never speaking again. I realize now that’s exactly what I want. I want people who want me. I want people who would cry at the thought of making me cry. I want people who love me. Is that so wrong to want? Is that too much to ask for? Is that too high of expectations in a friendship?
