Sometimes I think I don't have a lot going on but when I take a step back, there's actually a lot going on. I also thought this year wasn't going to be so busy and that I was going to have a boring, quiet summer stuck in NY since (a) it's hard to take summer vacations at my job because I'm lower on the totem pole of vacation requests priority, (b) it's so expensive to travel in the summer and (c) I need time to recuperate from my Paris vacation financially.
But despite being grounded in NY, I was still determined to have a fun summer and filled with activities. And I certainly did so and the summer is only beginning. Since I came home in May from Paris, nearly every day off has been filled with activities, trips to the city, birthdays, holidays, events, etc. I mean, NYC is my playground but June was probably a record for me in terms of how many times I visited. And contrary to what it looks like, NYC is actually quite a trek out for me. I'm pretty far out east on LI so it takes me about 2 hours or so to get into the city. But there isn't much to do on LI and despite all my NYC adventures, I'm forever discovering new things. I'm basically playing tourist in my own city this summer with all my adventures for the gram, going from one place to the next. I have a fresh outlook on my adventures, trying to experience and eat and see as many beautiful things as I can. My last visit with my friends, we had a list of about 10 places to hit up one day and I thought we'd only make it to 5 but nope, we did pretty much everything on my list and I even added some in towards the end of the day, hahaha!
And surprise, surprise. Guess what, guys? I'm headed back there this weekend for yet another gram tour. This time my girl Kerri is in town visiting me from DC and she requested an entire weekend of adventures and I was pretty much like #saynomorefam. I have an ambitious list of adventures for this weekend so if you're stalking my IG stories, stay tuned.
It's only the beginning of July and my summer already has been pretty good filled with so much to do that I haven't had a minute to be home and and take care of my house. My living room, closet and bathroom looks like a mess. The last time I cleaned honestly was 3 weeks ago when the boy came home from a work trip. This is terrible, lol. Adulting is hard to keep up with when you're always keeping busy.
The funny thing is, my mom is really mad at me. She thinks I'm wasting my time because I'm not following the adulting timeline. You know, that cliche of get married and have kids. I did most of what I was supposed to - finish school, find a good job, buy a house and get married, but the kids part, I'm still holding off. Truth is, I still have no idea if I want them. The boy and I both agreed we're still too selfish in our lives right now to enter that next step. Or if we ever want to enter that step. And it's not that we're scared or irresponsible. Everyone knows that I would probably be pretty good at the 'mom' role since I take care of all my friends and family like a mom. And my husband is honestly the cutest. I see him with my nephews and I see how he is with family and other kids and it's absolutely adorable. He's responsible and sweet, but smart. He knows not to spoil either.
But the problem with this timeline is that it's not for everybody and that's okay. Not everyone needs to have kids and you also don't need to have kids organically. Some people believe they can never love another child other than one they have together through birth. But this is a stupid idea too. You can love someone else's kid, whether it be a stepchild, a niece or nephew, a foster child, an adopted child, etc. Hell, even a pet because a lot of people I know love their pets more than they like actually people. And love grows. And think to yourself, you had to learn to love your significant other and that wasn't 'forced' through birth or anything (unless you're a redneck, then nevermind). And you work at it every single day. You can absolutely grow to love another as long as your heart is open to it and you're willing to grow with that person. If not, then maybe you need to work on yourself some more. It's not about the kid at that point, but about your own inner demons. But I'm digressing again.
The main point is, you don't have to feel the need to take the cliche "next step" in your relationship and have kids, in order to take the next step in your relationship. Not being ready for kids doesn't make your relationship any less important or strong or successful than one that does have kids. What's important is that you both see eye to eye, work at your relationship every day and have fun with each other and still love one another every single day. Support each other. Focus on your own relationship and strengthening it and celebrating it every single day if that's your priority over kids. And you should. Relationships with your significant other is just as special and important and deserves as much attention.
I think my mom is just pressuring me because by the time she was my age, she already had 4 kids. But I'm on a different journey and I have different ambitions. For some people, making a family is their dream and their pride and joy. And there's nothing wrong with that other than thinking that it's the only thing in life you should do. It's just not for everyone and I have different dreams, especially at this point in time. I'd rather take my time and simply enjoy being married for now. Just spending time with my husband and sharing moments with him makes me happy. Right now, I don't see that I need anything else nor want anything else to make me happy. I rarely have time with him anyway due to adulting and different schedules so right now I enjoy being selfish and just having him to myself when we do have time together.
I also don't see this ladder of having to do anything to prove to the world anything about my relationship being successful. I don't need a baby to prove that I made the ultimate commitment to my marriage. Or to use a baby as a method of trapping him with me forever. He's already proclaimed that I'm stuck with him forever because he's got territorial/possessive issues, hahaha.
Nor is there a 'timeline' or list of events I have to do, to make sure my relationship with the boy is real. I may have followed a lot of traditional steps but that's my own thing. I chose to do those things because that's what I wanted. Those are my own values and things I cared about. Everyone is on a different path and this is mine. I cook and make work lunches for my husband because I genuinely enjoy it and I love showing him in little ways that I care. And he does the cutest things back, like buying me flowers just because, taking me to my favorite places, holding my bags for me while I shop, taking me out on ice cream dates while I'm at work and kissing me before he leaves for work in the morning. Don't just count the big gestures on holidays and events that come wrapped in bows. The every day little things are the ones that show that your significant other is listening to your needs and love language. Remember to do the same.
Speaking of list of events though, there is actually a lot I'm trying to do before the end of the year, I realized. The year's halfway over and not only did I already do a lot but I have a lot more I want to do before 2018 is over. I also lied. I'm not going to be grounded in NY all summer. I'm leaving in about 2 and a half weeks on a small trip to Chicago, haha! I didn't plan this but my friend had some days off at the end of the month and asked me to go and I managed to get coverage for it so I figured why not? YOLO.
Here's basically what I'm looking to do for the next upcoming months of 2018:
- Parents birthdays
- Sunflower fields
- Chicago trip
- Bronx Zoo
- Lantern Fest / Rafting
- Ipsy Genbeauty
- Disney/Universal for birthday/wedding anniversary
I have a lot to plan and I'm actually kind of worried some of it might not happen because planning is overwhelming. But I know that if I take it a step at a time, sit down and focus, I can plan it all out and get it all done. Maybe next weekend or on my next day off where I'm actually doing nothing and not out with an entire day's worth of adventuring plans. I really need a breather every once in a while, hahaha. But like I said, when it rains, it pours and you gotta ride the wave. I'd rather be busy than not. I mean, how can I complain when my 2018 has been good to me so far? I'm definitely not having a boring year and wasting my time watching it all just fly by. Cheers to the rest of 2018!