It's funny how life is sometimes. We all have our good days and our bad days. I learned that without balance, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. You have to drown a little to learn how to swim. It all also depends on how you want to look at life. You can find sunshine in the rain only if you want to look for it. If you want to be depressed, you will be.
Shrinkle posted for her birthday earlier this year that two people can have the exact same things and one person could be miserable and complain about it while the other person is excited and so grateful to have it. It's so true about one person's trash being another person's treasure. It's all about perspective. And it's also so true about what people don't realize they have until it's taken away. Sometimes I wish some of my friends and family knew this. I want them to be just as happy as I am, if not more. But you can't tell people to be happy, they have to figure it out for themselves on how to be. I wish they knew that sometimes what you're looking for is right in front of you all along. You don't need material things, status, bragging rights, or being able to keep up with the Joneses to be happy. Rich is the man who has love in his life. As long as you have good company and good health, that's all that really matters. This is why they write songs like Lucky. The girl who has it all but still feels empty. You could have the world at your feet but if you had no one to share it with, what is the point? We are all human. We crave love and connection, even if we don't want to admit it.
I don't choose to chase wild dreams that aren't mine. And I don't believe I've "settled" either. I think I've just simply found where my happiness lies and it's pretty simple. My trainer keeps trying to think of get rich quick schemes to help me gain more money in my life and truth be told, I'm too lazy to put in the effort, lol. But it's not just that. Yes, life would be great if I had more money. I mean, I'd be able to pay off my bills, my house, my student loans and have more of the things I want without a care in the world. But where would I be without the struggle? I'm not saying I like to struggle, but the journey there helps you to appreciate the work you put in. When you're given something, you take it for granted and you don't appreciate it as much. I'm doing this all on my own and I'm honestly proud of that. I can't believe I'm still alive right now as I work to carry the weight of two people on my shoulders financially.
At the same time, I'm not in a rush for anything, I realized. Yes, it'd be great to have my house and student loans paid off and extra income in the bank, but extra money is just extra money. It's not like I'm totally unhappy where I'm at. I'm struggling from time to time, but I still set aside a little for fun and I'm still trying to live and experience life when money and time allows. Maybe I'd be able to afford having a kid and speed up the family part a bit with extra money but I'm still enjoying the journey right now regardless of that boost. I have the rest of my life for that and there's no rush for anything. I have a lot of what I wanted done in my life already done anyway. At this point, I just want to live for me and be happy. And that's what I'm doing.
And vacationing all the time isn't me either. I get cabin fever when I'm at home with no plans but I wouldn't like to be jet setting all over the place that often either. This is where balance comes in. I actually do enjoy working. I feel like a person who needs that work/play balance. I also find it easier to stick to my workout/diet schedule on days I work compared to days I have off. On days I have off, I find it harder to comply for some reason. The structure helps. And vacations wouldn't feel like a vacation if you did it all the time. I would probably gets stressed trying to plan out so many all the time too. Even one is a lot of work. I mean, I finally got it done, but I procrastinated and took my time putting a week together just for Paris. And then all summer I’ve been putting Disney together, piece by piece, rearranging so much around to fit my desired itinerary and bucket list.
The point is, I do feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be in life. And looking back, even when I didn't feel like I was, I really was. I had to go through all my hardships for a reason. If I didn't, would I have come out as strong as I did? You appreciate the light after being in the dark for so long.
I struggled with my own weight for a reason. I was being taught to not take for granted what I had growing up. I thought I had it easy, that I did not have to worry about my health, that I could eat whatever I wanted without consequence. Now I know that regardless of skinny or fat, it's simply not true. You have one body and you have to take care of it. I learned that exercise is extremely important and staying active, even if I don't like sports and that there are other ways to do so other than playing sports. I learned that what you put in your body is important. Of course, comfort foods are important too for your mental health and sanity, but you have to find that balance and learn to discipline yourself to keep that balance between healthy and indulgence.
Minor segue with my weight loss update:
I’m back on my weight loss journey to lose another 5 lbs and I forgot how ridiculous of a waiting game it is. It’s only been 18 days so I shouldn’t expect a lot of results but for the first week I struggled to lose the rubberbanding weight I had all summer. I finally just got down to 110 last week and have been able to maintain it so I’m finally feeling motivated. It took a bit to get adjusted back to smaller portions and eating healthy 100% of the time since I haven’t cheated since Sept 1. I was sooooo hungry for the first few weeks, it drove me insane but I fought through it. I have to remind myself that this journey is not a quick and easy one, otherwise everyone would do it. I have remember that it took me about 5 months to fully lose the 20 lbs so I should really relax and not be so impatient with these last 5 lbs I want to lose. Although getting back to my college days weight would be absolutely amazing before I leave for vacation! But anyways, I do feel amazing right now, now that I’ve finally started to see results come through and trickle back down to 110. I just have to be patient for the next 5 weeks and stay focused.
I also started training for my half marathon slowly. I’m running outside to try and build endurance and stamina so I can actually finish the half marathon when I have to cross that bridge. It took about 2 weeks but I was able to slowly train myself to finish 8km in an hour again. I’m not trying to finish by a certain time, but I do want to be able to keep up, be able to run at a steady pace without having to take too many breaks or slow down too much and finish the race.
I’m really proud of these results, as slow as they may be. If you’re out there struggling with your diet and fitness goals, remember, consistency is key. Make sure you’re challenging yourself, hold yourself accountable and push though. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.
I also learned from this journey that in order to be a happier me, I simply just need to choose to be a happier me. It goes back to the perspective thing. When I’m doing really good with my gym and diet, I’ll have a really awesome week, simply from the high off of my successes of my weight loss. Nothing could bring me down. My work week wasn't any worse or better than any other work week. The difference was that I chose to not let anything get to me. I let the good outweigh the bad. And that's what I want to learn to do more of in my life. Like how you could receive 100 compliments but just one mean comment can bring you down? I want to be able to be that person that drowns that out. The good thing is, in that situation I'll always win. I rarely care about what people say or think of me regardless, lol. I care more about my own opinion and what I think of myself over what others think of me because vain as fuck.
But the point is, I want to start living my life more like nothing can bring me down. I want to be able to channel my happiness and control better what upsets me and not let it affect me at all.