Butterflies

I don't know why or what it is but after all these years, I still have the same butterflies I had when I met him outside of class back in middle school and high school.
I loved going to school because I was just so excited and happy to see him before class, between class and on some days, after school. For those quick few minutes between us, I always felt a rush. Like that excitement before the ride starts, before the first day of school, like being the first one to open up a brand new book, that moment before you blow out the candles on your birthday cake with your fingers crossed hoping your wish comes true. I know these sound like weird feelings to think of, but it's like little bursts of happiness and anticipation. I just enjoyed spending those quick little moments with him because they were simply with him. When you're with the right person, everything just clicks. And you don't care what you're doing as long as you're just with them because anything with them is worthwhile.

Sometimes I forget how amazing and special my relationship with him is. And all that we've been through and all that he knows about me and how he's stayed with me through everything. I'm really lucky to have him and for him to be so hopelessly head over heels in love with me. He's supported me throughout the darkest of times - from my issues in high school with my dad, the pressures of school and my grades throughout senior year to maintain my rank, the stress in college of financially affording it as well as the stress of trying to survive through the terrible D&D years and not drop out of pharmacy school, the roller coaster that was CVS where I sailed through dark waters for 3 years trying to find a way out, my wedding and house stress, to the more recent issues with my depression with my weight. There's a lot more I just don't have time to think and list them all, but he's been there. Throughout all the bridges I had to burn to light the way to where I am today, he's stood by them all watching me and supporting what I chose to do.

Sometimes I do wonder why he's still around. I'm not an easy person to be with, I would say. I do require some effort, a little more attention than normal at times and I can be reckless, difficult and stubborn. But he's still here and kicking. He still does everything I ask him to when I need him, even if he huffs and puffs, in the end, I usually get my way and he takes care of what I need. It's incredible to find someone like that. That is willing to do anything for you and want to make you happy. Sometimes even at the cost of their own happiness. If you find it, don't let it go. It's precious and rare. These are the people you want in your lives.

He does a lot and I'll admit sometimes I just don't give him enough credit. Sometimes I am a terrible person who doesn't appreciate what I have and realize everything I need is right there in front of me.. He's been working hard for the past year trying to re-align his goals and skillset to a different career path. That's hard. I say this because I don't think I would have the energy or motivation to do something like that. He took the time to switch gears and invest in it so that he can try and build us a better home and life. It takes a lot to be able to stand up and do that instead of giving up and just being complacent. I hate job searching and starting over. It's a lot of stress and the waiting game is hard for people who are impatient like me. I'm really proud of him for being able to do all this. He's been working hard, flipping his schedule all the time and being more responsible and accountable at his job.

And it feels really freaking good to know that I have his support and that he's so proud of my own accomplishments in the gym. I feel really proud of what I've done but for him to acknowledge it and be proud of me too feels really good. It's really important to have support where you need it most and when you need it most. Shit gets dark sometimes and it's hard to ask for help and support because you don't want to look weak but it really helps when your loved ones are able to support you in your time of need.

So how do you keep your relationship afloat and fall more in love with your significant other on the daily? I honestly don't have a clue. I just do and it just happens.

Every time a silly love song comes on the radio, I ALWAYS catch myself smiling and thinking of him immediately. Sounds lame, right? Well, this is how I feel every day waking up with him. When he wakes up for work and leaves, he also never leaves without coming back to bed and kissing me before he finally walks out the door. Meanwhile I'm that asshole like Sailor Moon who is constantly late for anything in life so I'm always bolting out the door in a rush so I don't do cute little things like this. But the fact that he does, gets me every time. It's the little things. You don't think they get noticed, but trust me, the other person is watching and noticing everything. 

A relationship can be hard but it's also a lot of fun and definitely worth it. I've been with the boy for 18 years now and I swear I grow more and more in love with him everyday. It takes a lot of patience, love (duh) and having open lines of communication.

My closest friends and family know that we are two totally different people - I still don't understand or know how we got together and grew so attached after all these years despite it either. Truth is, we are nothing alike in terms of interests, tastes, style, movies we like, how we dress, etc. We are so polar opposite. We met in 7th grade, set up by our respective bffs at the time, "dated" for a month, broke up but then spent the entire year still friends and talking on the phone everyday until we finally gave in to our feelings again and got back together when we entered high school in 9th grade. And here we are today. It was all an accident somehow in how we discovered each other and never could seem to stay away from each other. 

You also have to respect one another and agree to disagree a lot. I do a lot of things he hates, and I don't agree with him on a lot of things he likes either. I also hate his facial hair while he absolutely hates my blonde hair, hahaha. I can't stand being in Home Depot, which is the equivalent of torture for him waiting for me to try on clothes at the mall. But there's a lot of compromise and there's work involved. But when you do things for your other half just because you just want to make them happy and see them smile, well that's just the greatest feeling in the world, honestly. When you love someone so hard, nothing else matters but seeing them smile and being with them. 

Anywhere with you feels right. 
Anywhere with you feels like Paris in the rain.

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