Best Friends

Today is National Best Friends day. 

It's funny because I have a very eclectic group of friends. My best friends are basically the people who were in my wedding party; my bridesmaids and my husband. I still have a strong and special relationship with each and it's funny because no matter how different each one of my friend is, the connection is the same. I love every one of them and I don't know what I'd without them in my life, even if we don't see each other every day or often or at all. 

It's been a while since I've seen them all and I miss them so much. 

One bridesmaid is a friend from the 3rd grade and my rock. She's the level headed one that always talks me back down to Earth when I'm being irrational. Funny because in high school, we were so crazy and wild together and now, she's the more sensible one. 

One bridesmaid is a friend I met in the 7th grade and we lost touch in high school but reconnected during college years and have been glued since. We're both so alike and yet still so different in many ways. Sometimes we end up wearing the same outfit when we leave the house without even consulting each other. And never has one of us looked to the other and went "Well, one of us has to change." Hahaha.

One bridesmaid is a friend from college that I met at freshmen orientation and we've been together since as well. Our friendship was small at first but then grew into something more as we battled through the basic bitches and idiot personalities at pharmacy school, and then extended beyond college. 

My last bridesmaid is my most recent friend and yet that relationship is just as unwavering. I met her in 2010 during my first summer at CVS as an intern. She was just there to help fill staffing issues but something clicked. She brought out the workaholic in me to my fullest potential while I probably only brought out the worst in her as I was that bad influence friend your parents warn you about. We were amazing at filling everything in record time and my boss's strongest techs, but we also spelled out TROUBLE when we were put on the schedule together. 

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Sometimes I wonder how these people put up with my shit though, lol. I'm not dumb. I know I have a loud and strong personality and it's not for everyone. I'm very outspoken, opinionated, and out there. I imagine I can come off pretty abrasive to other people, both people who know me and people who don't know me well. Brazen was the term used in college to describe me once. 

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Actually, this reminds me of a conversation I had at work a while back. 
Originally I was talking about the houses in Harry Potter and how I didn't feel like I belonged to any of them, really. I got sorted into Ravenclaw on one occasion and I can see why but I didn't feel like I belonged there still. Friends say I'm Slytherin and I can see why there too but I still don't truly feel like that's my house. I never really thought of myself as Gryffindor either because I'm not very brave in my definition of the word. You won't find me first in line to sky dive, or go bungee jumping off a cliff. I get scared when the boy drives way too fast and I'm easily frightened at Halloween Horror Nights even though that's all fake too. I'm so jumpy even at work when people enter the room and I'm unaware they're there. I don't like public speaking and being in charge so I'm not that person that likes to volunteer and spearhead projects, even though I can do it when push comes to shove. But that's just my definition of brave.

A fellow pharmacist overheard the conversation and cut in and said she considered me to be very brave, actually. She felt the way I carried myself, in the way I dress, my personality, and my presence to her, was very brave. She loves the way I dress, but thought it took a lot of courage to dress how I want to dress everyday still even when people say stuff to me and judge me. And for me to continue doing what I love and the way I carried myself and lived my life, in spite of what others might think. She said she thought the world was very cruel and for me to still have the spirit I have in spite of it, was very brave.
I thought it was a nice insight and a fresh look from someone else. You don't know how you come off to others all the time and I thought it was really nice that she admired that of me.
I don't consider myself brave at all because all the things she talked about, I didn't feel they were brave. I just felt they were normal for me. But that's part of the bravery. It's not always doing things that you personally are scared of doing.

Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit for the things I do, simply because I see them as normal and things I would ordinarily do anyway. I see other people doing more and greater things than I do so I always feel like I'm not worth noting. But it doesn't mean I should discredit myself at the same time. I do a lot for my friends, family, coworkers, patients, and even strangers sometimes. More than I should, a lot of the time. But I think it's just a part of who I am. Funny, sometimes while I'm doing these things, a part of me even says why are you doing this? Would they do the same for you? And it's sad because a lot of the times, the answer is no. I think I do more for people than they would ever do for me and I'm not even sure why. It's just in my nature. I continue even though I know it won't be appreciated in the way I would like to be appreciated for what I do for people. But that's the thing. I do it not expecting anything back. I do in the hopes that one day when I need help, the other party would do the same for me.

But most of the times, I choose not to play the card because I'm so afraid to ask for help and I'd rather do things myself. But that's when I suffer. I also need to learn to ask for help when I need it. It's funny because I'm open to talking to other people when they're feeling down and need a friend. But I myself don't know exactly how to reach out when it's my own soul that needs healing. I chalk it up to human nature though. It's a very scary feeling opening up to someone. You don't want to appear weak and vulnerable. You don't want to look like a bitchass. But the funny thing is, when my family and friends reach out because they're hurting, I don't think that of them. So why do I think that others will think that of me? I don't know what I'm afraid of honestly. 

LOL, I have no idea how I digressed this far from the original topic of best friends. 
Basically the main point was sometimes I catch myself thinking and wondering why my friends are friends with me. When I get self conscious, I wonder if I come off as too much to them. I actually have no care how I come off to strangers, but how are these people still sticking around? Aren't you sick of me yet? My husband is sick of my shit 99% of the time, and somehow he's still madly in love with me. Wonders of the world. But I know they do care and love me as much as I love them because of all the amazing things they do for me. I'm the girl that celebrates her birthday the entire month. I'm excessive. And my friends DO feed into it, lol. They take off for my birthday celebrations, they travel all the way just for a day to see me. They send me cute ass cards in the mail and thoughtful gifts. They get me beautiful cakes, yes, cakes as in plural, even a Tiffany box cake with a crystal red bottom shoe. And they even bond together to surprise me with a beautiful pair of real Loubies. They go on vacation with me and put up with all the ridiculous things I want to do and all the places I want to hit up just for a photo. And they try hard to get the shot for me. Hahaha, listen if they're not willing to do anything for the shot for the gram for you, are they really your best friends? LOL. 

But if I reverse the scenario and wonder what draws me to my own friends and why do I stick around, I don't think negatively about things like that as to why my friends aren't sick of me. I can't get enough of my friends sometimes. I always want more time with them but alas, adulting does not allow for such luxuries as you get older and responsibilities settle in. As we get older, I spend less and less time with the people I want and our lives start to grow apart and thinking about it gets me really sad. I try my best to make time for my friends as much as I can but the stars do not always align. I also always worry about my friends thinking I'm not doing enough for them or living up to my potential of being a good friend. I try my best but sometimes I wonder if there's any more I could have done to help. I don't want them to think I'm not there or don't care. I don't want my own friendship to be questioned. I want them to have that confident feeling there that I'm always down for them whenever they need me. 

These are the late night ramblings of my tired self when I'm left alone with my thoughts, lol. Ignore me.

Bonus point, comment below what house you think I fall into, or what you would sort me into! 

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The Pint Shop

The Pint Shop is a new art installation and shopping experience created by the Museum of Ice Cream to help promote their new Target collaboration. It's like a baby Museum of Ice Cream, essentially. It just opened up yesterday and you bet your bottom dollar I hopped my little ass there today on my day off. It's running from now until August so make sure you stop by before it's gone! 

For those of you who don't know, the Museum of Ice Cream is an interactive art installation that consists of several rooms with different themes, colors, props and sensory experiences. It's an artist's vision of how ice cream brings people together and makes them instantly happy, brought to life in a dream world like playground. It originated in summer of 2016 in NYC, but ironically I did not get to experience the NYC location. I didn't hear about it until after it was sold out and ended for the summer. But from what I read, it wasn't that great back then in its beginnings. The NYC version was the modest one and generally considered overpriced. I honestly can't tell since I never made it there. But the following summer, they opened an LA location and I was able to make it to that one in the fall for my birthday. And that one, I can tell you was awesome. I've never seen or experienced anything like it. My favorite experiences were the sprinkle pool, the giant gummy bears and the ice cream sandwich swing. It was a lot of fun and I really hope to one day be able to attend the San Francisco location before that one gets closed down too. The Miami one opened last winter and has since closed as well. It's on the move to its next mystery location currently but this Pint Shop was a return to its roots for the summer. It's also notable that it's free compared to it's MOIC  big sister counterparts.

I stopped by today with my friends and family and it was so much fun! I loved it and I look forward to going back there again with my friend Kayla and Kerri later on this summer so they can both experience it. And well I'm the ice cream queen. 

The Pint Shop itself is filled with 6 aisles of cute merchandise, dedicated to the 7 unique flavors being promoted by this unique experience. The flavors will drop in Target stores July 8th. A line of children's clothing and accessories recently launched in Target this past week as well. 
The aisles are beautifully lined with adorable merch and albeit a little overpriced in my opinion, still ridiculously cute and unique to the company's brand. The cheapest thing you can purchase actually are the pints of ice cream themselves. And yes, they have a tasting station where you can taste all the flavors before purchasing, as long as they are in stock. Today I tried Vanillionaire, Chocolate Crush, Churro Churro and Cherrylicious. Cherrylicious was my favorite. It tasted like a nice hint of cherry and not like that artificial medicine cherry counterpart I hate. Nana Banana, Pinata and Sprinkle Pool weren't available to try but alas, not to worry! I will back and update you guys. I didn't take a pint home though since it wouldn't survive the trip home from NYC to Long Island before becoming ice cream soup.
The items you can buy include keychains, pins, yoga mats, lunch bags, tote bags, tumblers, stainless steel water bottles, backpacks, ice cream pop makers, hats, plushes, and even sprinkle crowns. And yes, everything is a little expensive than one would expect. The sprinkle crown was definitely unnecessarily expensive but you bet your bottom dollar I bought it because YOLO. 
One side of the shop was filled with aisles of merchandise, with the middle of the room containing the freezers filled with the pints you can buy, and on the other side resided three life sized pints for cute photo ops; one was a smaller lite version of the banana room from LA, one was a sprinkle pool swing, and one was a cherry pool. Of course these giant pints were where there were the longest lines and waits. Mostly the cherry pool, which is funny since that was the case with the sprinkle pool in LA. 

The shop is free to look around and browse at your leisure but they do also offer tasting experiences which are ticketed experiences and $38 a pop for 30 minutes and grant you access to the shop without waiting on line outside. I haven't yet decided if I wanted to participate in this but they are also offering "pint sessions" later this summer although details regarding them have yet to be released. And although free, the Pint Shop, similar to the MOIC, is a controlled experience, meaning they only allow a certain amount of people in at a time to help keep the experience at a comfortable level. I like this since it helps prevent overcrowding and you can get the best pictures without too many people in your shot this way. Everyone was really nice and it was a really fun time. I would love to go back. 

I would have to say this is my favorite of the interactive "rooms" trend. I visited the Egg House about a month and a half ago, and while still fun and interesting, I would have to say it's overpriced for what it offered compared to MOIC and the Pint Shop. I'll blog about the Egg House later on this month when I get a chance. I still have to move all my 20,000+ photos off my phone onto my computer. It's been a process. 

I'll try to blog about the MOIC in LA if I can find and upload those pics too. 

Ironically, the Pint Shop was not the focal point of my adventure today originally. I was supposed to finally  make it over to Mister Dips. I've been trying to go there since last summer but never seem to make my way fully over there. I didn't mean to spend so much time at the Pint Shop considering how small it is in comparision to the MOIC, but it really is a lot to take in on the first visit and I didn't want to leave. Here are pics from earlier in the day when I ventured around the city with my baby sis while waiting for everyone else to get out of work to join. 
We went to lunch at Gemma, originally planning on trying a rigatoni dish we saw on the gram but upon arrival learned that the dish has been discontinued and no longer available for the season. The waiter recommended the pappardelle to us and oh man, it was amazing. 10/10 would have again. The pizza was really good too. We finished everything and headed down to Milk and Cream to try their Birthday Cake before they discontinued that special too. We browsed some shops and art galleries on the way there too since we were waiting for everyone else to get out. As you can see, I'm still immature AF.

What about you? Do you guys plan on exploring anything or visiting the Pint Shop this summer???

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I was eventually going to touch upon this topic sooner or later but didn't feel like being so heavy so early on, on a new public blog. But it's a hot topic right now in the wake of mental health awareness and everything going on. 

Kate Spade died this morning by suicide.

The funny thing is, growing up, I tried so hard to NOT grow up. I have somewhat of a Peter Pan/Alice syndrome, hence the way I dress and the activities I still participate in, which aren't exactly age appropriate sometimes for my age group. I don't adult well in some areas and am very child like in my interests and how I spend my free time. I struggle with dressing adult. I want to dress cute and my own style but I know I do have to tone it down for certain occasions. Kate Spade is one of the few designers that meet in the middle for me. I love her prints, bows, glitter, colors and fun designs and yet they are still a sophisticated, clean look. Falling in love with her brand was not only my compromise but also a sign of me slowly growing up. But this is just my digression regarding why Kate Spade is an important brand to me. 

The main topic I wanted to touch upon in this post is about suicide. It's a heavy and loaded topic but important. There are so many things I want to talk about, but my thoughts are so unorganized to put them down to paper. Or rather to blog. 

Growing up through high school years, I struggled with the regular teenage angst, depression, feelings of loneliness and hopelessness because I was an Asian American teen growing up in a very traditional strict household where these topics were taboo and just didn't exist. Without going into details, I went through a really rough time with my dad growing up since he was so strict and he didn't know how to deal with raising daughters in the American environment. I wanted to just be American normal, he wanted me to be traditional Vietnamese culture normal aka dress conservatively, speak only Vietnamese, be obedient, study 24/7, bring honor to your family, etc. It's hard growing up with the first generation immigrant struggle between kids and parents. And my dad didn't understand that what he was doing was damaging to me and my siblings in more ways than one. Looking back, I'm no longer mad at him, but more understanding that it was hard for both parties. My dad never meant to hurt me, but he didn't know any other way than what he experienced back in the motherland. And I know now that he did really have good intentions, we were both just bad at communicating to each other, and when you're a teenager, every emotion and experience is amped up 10X to make you feel like things are at their worst. That's why you're so dramatic in your teen years. 
But the point is, all the events that occurred culminated into a lot of negativity. I felt like things were never going to get better. 
I started dating the boy at the time and as teenagers, you have no way of knowing this person is going to be the one, but little did I know, he was going to be the one to lift me out of the darkness. No one really knows but my husband is the one that breathed life back into me and gave me hope to keep going. He spoke of what our lives would be like one day, and described it so vividly. I know because I still have the AIM conversations and emails because girls are crazy and archive everything, lol. 
The point is, the picture he painted made me realize I DO want to live. I want to go on and live to see what it would be like. And I'm really glad I did. Everything I've built with my own two hands since then has been beautiful. I accomplished so much starting from so little. I graduated high school second in my class, went on to struggle in college but made it through and graduated with a doctorate (yup, I get to sign my real name with a Dr. in front), had an amazing beautiful wedding surrounded by my friends and family, and have been to so many beautiful places around the world since then. I own my own car and my own house and my life is more beautiful than I pictured it would be all those years ago. But it wasn't always a smooth ride. My life has been a roller coaster with a lot of obstacles thrown at me through the years, but I've learned that no matter how hard something is, I can handle it. You only grow outside your comfort zone. You just need to have strength to get past it. 

Unfortunately not everyone has the strength to move past the hard times. 

I lost someone really important to me a few years ago and learned that they died by their own hands. It was my first loss and it hit me hard. I was fucked up for a while. I went through the stages of grief and to be honest, I'm still going through it. It's rough. I'm doing better now but I still find myself every now and then rushing through those feelings. 
It's hard. You think it's your fault for a long time. You blame yourself for not noticing the signs. For not being a better friend. For not showing more support. It's a game of "What if" and "If only." You get angry at yourself for being such a shitty human being for not stepping in and doing something. You get angry at the other person for being so selfish and leaving you alone in this world. For not seeking your help, comfort and solace. And then you're back to being angry at yourself for not providing a safe enough environment that your friend could feel safe enough to confide their frustrations and pain in you. And then you feel extreme guilt and sadness for feeling so selfish. You feel numb. And then sometimes, you find yourself feeling extremely overwhelmed with emotions and you find yourself crying for no reason out of nowhere. And then you realize it's your pain manifesting itself from your subconscious. 

I'm not going to lie, I'm still angry now. I'm still going through the "why did you leave me all alone?" thoughts. Which is probably why the show 13 Reasons Why resonates with me. I finished season 2 about a week or two ago and I'm still fucked up over it.
I love and hate Clay's character because it hits home for me. The big thing you have to learn to accept is that you can't help or save everyone and you're not responsible for everyone. And not everyone can be helped the way you think they need to be helped. You can't blame yourself for everything. But this is not something easily learned or accepted. Grief is a long process and for some people it takes years, if not their entire lives. 

I don't know if I'll ever fully heal but I try to take it one day at a time. It's all you can do. 

I want to be a better person because of this though. I want to be able to recognize when my friends are hurting. It is hard because some people try to hide it so you can't tell but that's the part that's tricky and needs to improve. I want to be the person that my friends and family feel comfortable coming to when they feel pain. When they need help. When they need a shoulder to cry on or vent. I don't want someone I care deeply for to feel like they had no option out. I want to be able to recognize the signs so I can initiate that conversation. Even if they don't want to talk, I want to be able to see what's wrong and say "Hey, I'm here if you need me." I want them to be able to come to me without shame, embarrassment, hesitation. 

And If you're struggling, please don't feel like your loved ones don't care. They can only help you so much as you let them. Don't think you're a burden. Don't think someone won't care. You are loved and people DO care. People WANT to help you so much but we're only human so we can't recognize all the signs. Help us help you. Don't think there's only one way out. Doing that is a very selfish thing. You think you're fixing the problem but it actually only makes it worse. You leave a hole in someone's heart that may take forever to heal. You are loved and you matter. Don't think for a minute you have to go through anything alone. For my friends and family, I want to be the one there by their side. 

RonGejon