I know I carry myself a certain way on my Instagram, on social media. I come off strong, maybe a little too much for some people, but hey, that’s why you keep scrolling or unfollow if it’s not your cup of tea. I have a lot of things riding against me as well. I’m a girl. I’m a minority. I’m Asian. I’m small. I’m [bottle] blonde. I’ve been underestimated because of my tiny stature. And I don’t fit into what people expect. One of the things is that as much as I joke about how much I hate myself, I actually don’t hate myself. I actually very much enjoy being me. Yes, there’s room for improvement in my life but I do actually like my life and how I live it. And women who do love themselves, I’ve learned, intimidate people. Which is probably what scares or turn some people off.
But just because I’m too much for some people, will never be enough reason for me to dim my own light. Everything I do, I do it for myself, not for the haters watching waiting for me to fail. And yes, I’m not stupid, I l know I will definitely fail from time to time as I’m human, but more often than not, I will try to get back up and try again. I’m a stubborn little Scorpio dragon. Even if the odds are against me sometimes. I feel that scene when Captain America tightens the strap on his shield and gets back up to give it another go at the end of Endgame. Because for every hater out there watching, there’s at least 5 times that watching you who are inspired by your actions. And you don’t even know it. Just by showing up, being honest and sharing your value, you give someone the courage to make a life changing decision. Or even a life saving decision. You don’t even know the ripples you create sometimes, just by getting up in the morning. Your IG story might be what they look forward to every day. It’s the push they need to keep going. I stopped recording my gym sessions a while back because I thought they were boring and repetitive once I reached my goals, but I had a few requests so I brought it back. And I was overwhelmed by the amount of people who do enjoy them and want to keep watching and following them. And the people who decided to get up and be more active and have sent me DMs about how much weight they lost, or how they overcame their social anxiety and fear of working out in a gym, or how they started to run too because they saw me run! It’s amazing.
But enough digression, the main point is that this year, I’m going to take on a 5k, a 10k and a half marathon back to back in 38 days. The fairy tale challenge is the 10k and the half, but I made the really horrible decision in wanting to do all 3 races available that weekend.😅 A couple of years ago, actually yes, exactly two years ago when I started my weight loss and fitness journey, if you had told me I would be doing this, I would have laughed in your face. I was still sitting on the weight machines, in tears in front of my trainer feeling hopeless that I would never lose the weight I piled on. Yes I was literally sitting at the gym in tears crying like a damn loser, that depressed about my weight. I felt like I hit rock bottom and like my weight was spiraling out of control, feeling like nothing I was doing was working. I wasn’t a runner. I wasn’t a weightlifter. I wasn’t athletic. I never played a sport. I didn’t even enjoy exercise. But 2 years later, here I am. Who am I?!? I know it’s definitely cliche, but I can definitely say 2020 me is a different person. She doesn’t recognize January 2018 me. But that’s what’s so great about being human. You have the ability to decide to change and grow into something else. Something new and something different whenever you decide you’re ready to get a little out of your comfort zone.
And I’ll be honest. As strong as I come off in the first two paragraphs and on my daily IG stories, I’ll tell you right now, I’m actually terrified of what’s to come in the next 5 weeks! Yes, I too am allowed to have my own vulnerable moments. I’m worried about not meeting my training goals. Of not training properly. Of not having enough energy to make it through all 3 races. Of being too tired to do both the races and the days at the parks. Of possible injury. I’m scared of everything that could go wrong. It’s funny because I had the same scenario running in my head last year. I was the train trying to push myself up the hill going “I think I can” until I finally crossed the finish line and was so elated that I could! So why is it happening all over again when I know I have it in me to do it? Well for starters, I’ve never done 3 races back to back like this before. Early 3am wakeup calls. I’m trying to strategize how to go about my day to conserve as much energy as possible but still maximize my time in the parks. I put a lot on my plate and the only thing that’s giving me faith but at the same time giving me stress is that so many other people do it and have done it. So I know it’s definitely doable. But I don’t want to compare myself to others as well. Just because they can do it, does not necessarily mean I can. Their circumstances may be better. They may have an edge. Or I just might be psyching myself out in the long run. Although I do want to state that my anxiety and worries about this? Applies to almost everything in life that seems hard before you finally take it on and conquer it. That’s not to trivialize it, but rather give you a sense of relief that you’re not alone. In the end, remind yourself that you’re going to succeed in anything you set your mind to. And if you fail, it’s not the end, it’s just a bump in the road to get back up and try again, or try something different til you get the result you want. It’s not always about whether you need to do it today, but rather how many more days it will take if you don’t start on it today.
Currently I’m trying to train with tips from RunDisney’s Jeff Galloway training program, but on a more aggressive schedule. Last year my standard run after my workouts were 5ks, and this past year I tried to amp it up to 10ks to get my body used to longer runs so that I could do 5ks and 10ks back to back easily. So the first two days of the races shouldn’t be hard. It’s that half that I’m really worried about because as memory serves, the first time around, I conquered it but it was definitely HARD. I haven’t ran that distance in one shot since. It was definitely a challenge, and that’s why I still have no courage to take on a full marathon. A half is hard enough. Until the half becomes how my 5ks and 10ks are norms, a full marathon will always feel like Mount Everest. Baby steps.
I’m also trying to be aggressive in my training by keeping up with my weight lifting. The problem with running is that when you run, you run it ALL off. Cardio does not discriminate, it will literally run it all off. That’s why a runner’s body is different from someone who lifts. I don’t want to lose the muscle tone I gained from lifting so I’m currently trying to balance both lifting and running at the same time. It’s daunting to say the least but I did it last year so I know I can do it again. Currently, I’m trying to lift at least 3-4 days a week, and run at least 3 times a week. I’ll do at least one long run, and every time I do a long run, I try to add on 2-3 kms more than the last long run. If my legs are too sore from the last run, I walk to get some steps and mileage in to help work on stamina and endurance. I know I have to work on my warm-up and cool downs. I tend to just go for it when I start running, which was a part of my downfall last year when I had my knee problems. But I did start doing my stretches again that I learned from physical therapy, which I know helped immensely on my overall performance.
If you’re looking for running tips and how to prep for races though, runDisney has a lot of great advice for free all on their website here. I don’t heed every single one because I’m just an idiot who likes to punish myself but the tips that I did incorporate into my running and form, I found very helpful. They have both programs/schedules for beginners and more experienced runners and you can modify them to your liking. I’m currently training similar to last year since it worked (I got cleared for PT mid January and only had 5 weeks left to train and so I amped it up and killed myself for 5 weeks last year) but it shouldn’t be as bad as last year since I have been running regularly for the most part year round.
I also have to focus on keeping my nutrition/diet on point, low carbs and high protein, saving the carbload for closer to race days. I aim for 8 hours of sleep a night, and this I really need to focus on since I learned last year that as long as your sleep and nutrition game is on point, you’ll be fine the week of. One sleepless night before your race won't affect your performance. What matters more is whether you've been able to get good sleep in the week leading up to the race. Although fingers crossed this year I don’t get race jitters insomnia the night before the big one again.
I know I need to take my own advice, but in the end, I just need to stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited of what could GO RIGHT. Because once I conquer this, the next mountain to climb…is a full marathon. I don’t know if that’s better or worse, though, hahahahahahahaha KILL ME.
