Checkpoint

July 6, 2019

It’s July! We’re 6 months into 2019 and I figured I’d check in on myself to see how I’m doing. Well, the answer is absolutely terrible, lol. I’ll be honest, I don’t really know where my motivation and ambition went from last year. Maybe I peaked from my weight loss journey and now that I’m maintaining, I’m just being lazy and getting by. It’s really terrible. But I don’t really know how to get back on the horse. Motivation is a really fickle thing.

Goals for 2019

Maintain a 105-110 lb weight range and a sustainable diet and exercise balance.
- Sadly, I’ve been maintaining a 112-115 weight range lately and I can’t seem to make the scales move down. I’m rubberbanding but it’s a bad spot I’m in. I can’t lie, I really do hate the numbers on the scale but I actually really like how my body looks in the mirror lately compared to photos from when I was 105. I have some more definition than before so it doesn’t make me too mad and allows me to take it a little easier on myself despite my frustration. But I’m not entirely clueless as to what the problem is. My diet when I was in weight loss mode was very strict. Now that I’m maintaining, I’m still eating healthy and small portions but I do indulge every now and then, more often than when I was losing. So honestly, my diet is my biggest challenge. But at the same time, I do know that I should be adopting a sustainable diet, which is why I am a little more forgiving on myself. I don’t want to entirely restrict myself from food because I know that’s how you rubberband severely when you finally do get to indulge. So for now, I’m learning to balance a clean diet with some cheats every now and then. I just don’t want to spiral too far out of control and pack that weight back on. It’s not an easy road trying to lose. It takes a lot of discipline and consistency, and while it’s summer, I do want to look good but I still want to be able to enjoy myself.
Run a half marathon.
- The one goal I completed and early on. The half marathon I conquered victoriously! Which is good and bad in itself. It set myself up for an even bigger mountain to climb. I signed up to do all 3 races next year. I’m going to regret this come February 21st, 2020. And even more when I finally step up to conquer a full marathon. Baby steps though.
Finish the spare room.
- The spare room is still a work in progress BUT we’re actually working on it now! We cleared it out and put in a bed and little vanity table. The husband even repaired a little drawer to put in the room. This is more progress than we made in the past year so hey, celebrate the small wins, right?
Italy in the spring? or Paris in the fall? Disneyland for Halloween, Disneyworld for NYE possibly.
- Unfortunately, international travel is not in the cards this year. I wish I could add Italy to my list but in the end, it doesn’t feel right just yet. But I’m in no rush. I ended up going to California this May and scratching off Disneyland for a quick spring vacation. And I have a Disney cruise booked for October. So this ship has changed its course from the original goals but I’m actually not mad about it.
Learn to drive stick.
- Learn to drive stick/motorcycle. If we’re being honest, I haven’t done a thing towards either of this. I’ve gotten lazy but it’s also because I have such limited time with the boy as is with our limited days off together. One day though. Again, no rush. It’s just a goal I’d like to try and meet one day but no imminent need.
Finally pick up photography.
- I mean, I got a camera and two lenses. But if I’m being honest, I did zilch research into looking how to properly use it so far. I’ve been relying on my husband and sister to work their magic taking my photos for me. I should take the time to learn though. I feel like it’s not as hard as I make it out to be. I just have to sit and put in the work, like everything else.
Learn how to drive a motorcycle.
- see 5
Take more photos with the boy!
- I did another cute photoshoot with the boy at Disneyland! I love those photos. Hopefully we can get more photos done together on our cruise vacation.
Work with more creatives.
- I got the opportunity to work with a few new people so far this year. And I love how those photos came out. It’s really great when you get to work with people on a similar wavelength. I’m digging how my portfolio is growing. My blog is also slowly helping me open doors and new opportunities. It feels good to grow, even if it’s just a small step at a time. I do feel like my work is slowly paying off.
Finish my pharmacy CEs early.
- Lastly, my CEs. Yeah. I’m not going to talk about this. I’ve done absolutely nothing towards this. But I’m going to try and end the year on a good note and make this a goal I actually finish. Fingers crossed but no promises.

Check in with yourself. Be honest. How are YOU doing with YOUR goals. What are some steps you can take to actively put yourself in the right direction? Are you actively working on them? Can you do better?

Batmobile Life

June 28, 2019

On February 9, 2012, I inadvertently became a mom. Rewind a day before, my car had broke down as I approached the exit ramp on my way to school. Something was wrong with the radiator and it kept overheating. There was a lot of smoke coming from the hood of my car. As a stereotypical dumbgirl who knew absolutely nothing about cars, I panicked. I called my friends crying because I was going to be late to class and I had no idea what to do. They skipped class and drove over to where I was stranded on the side of the road, looked at my car and helped slowly drive it to the nearest auto shop to get looked at.

Long story short, that car was pretty much done for. It was an old car my mom had bought off on a coworker for $300 so there’s not much I could expect out of it. My car before that had broken down too and was also an old used car. I was upset because I didn’t intend on getting a new car so soon. I wanted to wait til graduation to finally buy myself my first brand new car with my big girl pharmacy salary money. And graduation was about 3 months away still. I was afraid I couldn’t afford it so soon because I was still making intern pay at CVS and only working about 2 days a week on my days off from school. But of course, God had other plans for me. It’s funny because in the weeks before this happened, I kept seeing Camaros everywhere. And I was constantly talking about them with my then-boyfriend now-husband and friends. It was like God was sending me signs. And then my car broke down and I had no choice but to look into getting another car asap.

I skipped class that day because I was already stressed and worried enough and went straight to car shopping with the boy that afternoon. At first I thought about getting a cheap used car to tide me over until graduation but in the end, I was talked out of that. Did I really want another unreliable used car that could potentially break down on me in another few months before graduation? I might as well bite the bullet and get a brand new car now and suck it up and make the payments before I finally upgraded to pharmacist pay and then it would be fine. I would just struggle for a bit but as long as I budgeted and was smart about my paycheck, I should be able to make it happen.

So I did. I walked in looking for a car that day and the very next day, I drove out and back to school with my very own brand new black 2012 Chevy Camaro. I’ll be honest about my car too because I really don’t care that much about status. It’s a base model. It only has a ZL1 hood because I got into an accident years later and when the body shop patched it up, my husband decided we should throw the ZL1 hood onto it instead of the regular one. I didn’t care about what’s under the hood, how fast it goes, etc, because let’s face it, I’m not a car girl. I just care that it gets me from point A to point B and that it looks nice. And I needed it to be affordable. Plus I was a brand new driver to begin with the insurance rates are not too kind if I had gone with a faster, more loaded model. So base model it was. I wasn’t mad.

Actually I loved my car. For the first few years, I took such good car of her. I hand washed her several times a month in the spring to fall months, whenever I had a day off from work and the weather was nice. I even used the good stuff since the boy is a big car enthusiast so he has all the expensive car cleaning products from the good soap, wheel cleaner, wax, rain-x, the best auto glass cleaner, the works. I kept nothing in my car either so it was always nice and clear whenever friends got into my car for a trip. When I went places, I would park far away from everyone to avoid car dings and dents.

Summertime Fun

June 26, 2019

What were some your favorite things about summer as a kid?

In the summertime, my parents would send us away to our relatives, who would take us to all sorts of places and have something for us to do almost every day. My relatives didn’t have kids of their own so they were able to spoil us when my parents handed us over for the summer and school holidays. I was my grandpa’s favorite and he would take me for walks with him around the Bronx neighborhood a lot when I was a kid. He would always carry quarters with him and I would go on every quarter machine ride we’d find on our way, and I would get a Sailor Moon ice cream every time we were lucky enough to catch the ice cream truck. This is also probably why the littlest things like an ice cream treat make me happy.

Summertime meant free time to watch new movies, and my relatives would spoil us with new clothes and shoes when they took us to Jersey for tax-free outlet shopping. They would take us to Coney Island in the evenings when they got out of work (I rode the Cyclone once and I swear I thought I was going to die afterwards, lmao. It was the scariest experience of my life as a kid.) They would take us to Chinatown for dinner. We’d get to watch more than just basic cable because my relatives actually paid for more than 13 channels. Summer is the only time I got to watch Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. And we got to play video games because one of my uncles owned all the systems.

And towards the end of summer, my parents would pick us up a few weeks early before school started. In my old hometown the local fire department always held a fair every summer around this time to raise money. I remember begging my mom every year to go and she would try to save up just a little bit of money for a few rides for all us kids. I feel bad now looking back because it was super selfish of me with how much my parents struggled to raise 4 kids (the baby wasn’t a thought yet.) and here I was always wanting them to waste money on silly little things for leisure when here they were just trying to SURVIVE. A POP ride bracelet isn’t crazy expensive but it is when you have 4 kids. So my mom would only buy the single ride tickets and we would have to deliberate amongst us which rides were worth it. We never played carnival games because my mom thought they were a waste of money and rigged. And in retrospect, she was right. Those carnie toys are cheap China toys. Sometimes she would spoil us and get us cotton candy and ice cream (see recurring theme here). Some summers, my relatives came with us and they would love to go all out. They bought us all ride bracelets and played all the games. They were used to this because of all our Coney Island trips when we stayed with them. I think it embarrassed my mother sometimes because of how hard she struggled to save to spoil us and my relatives would swoop in and make her look bad like she was holding back on us or something. I feel bad because as a kid, you simply don’t understand the struggles of money. You just think your parents are trying to rain on your parade as you play ungrateful. As adults now, my siblings and I are trying to make up for it by taking our parents out to dinner and nice places whenever all our schedules can line up. And as adults, we now spoil our youngest sibling a lot, wanting her to have the experiences and life we missed out on when funds were low. It does feel good though, paying it back and being able to provide for your loved ones that struggled to take care of you as you grew up, and treating the younger ones to a better life than you had so they will want for nothing.

All these trips as a kid developed my love for these traveling bright lights. I still enjoy fairs whenever I get a chance to go to one. A few weekends ago I went to the Brookhaven Fair with some friends and it was an eye opening experience as to how much I’ve changed from a bright-eyed child who wanted to go on every ride, to a bitchass now with a true fear of heights, death and dying, hahaha. Thanks a lot, Final Destination.

I remember discovering the Gravitron and thinking it was the most amazing thing ever. When I rode my first Ferris wheel and the umbrella version that goes on an angle, I decided then and there they were terrifying, hahaha. I loved the Tilt-A-Whirl and the Himalaya. For some reason I enjoyed the swings back then but now as an adult, being that high and that long in the air gives me major anxiety. I’ll ride it but halfway through I’ll wonder why the hell did I get on this thing again. If I think about it, every ride is essentially the same, it’s just a ride that spins in a circle at various speeds and variations. But I still love them. No matter how simple or basic. Like the carousel. I’ll always love carousels. There’s something nostalgic and fun about them. Bumper cars, I’m bitter about it because being a short person my entire life, it took me forever to grow to have long enough legs to reach the pedals to drive my own damn car. It’s no fun riding passenger for years, let me tell you. Another ironic ride I loved were the motorcycles. The fake motorcycle ride that goes around in a circle and lifts the front wheel off the ground for a split second. I thought they were so cool. And then as an adult riding a real motorcyle is a lot scarier. My husband has one and every time I ride with him, I’m always terrified, like this is it, this is how I go as he goes full speed ahead.

There are definitely a few rides I never went on and have no interest in, as they looked terrifying back then and are still terrifying today. Like the Zipper, the Fireball, the Slingshot, and the Kamikaze. Those were all NOPES from me. I’m a baby when it comes to rides that are extended in the air for too long, go upside down and too high for too long. I’m no daredevil, let’s be real. I like living.

It’s funny because a lot of my coworkers take vacation in the summer and travel with their kids. I mean, it makes sense for families since that’s when their kids are off. But for me, this is the only time at work I actually don’t take off. It’s easier for me to request off during the off season but it also makes more sense to go someplace nice and warmer when it’s cold in NY, not when it’s already nice weather. I work all summer but I still find time on my days off to go off exploring on Long Island and NYC. Summers on Long Island are actually pretty nice. There’s no need to pay more money to go to a tropical island during this time when we have beaches right down the road from us on both the North shore and the South shore and they’re both different. There’s plenty of fairs and festivals every other weekend. The North Fork farms have become some of my favorite spots to drive out to with their amazing lemonade, fresh farm goods and beautiful flowers. I’ll be honest though. I’ve lived on Long Island all my life but rarely venture out to the Hamptons. It’s funny because when non-New Yorkers ask me where I’m from, all they know about Long Island is the Hamptons. Maybe one day I’ll make it out there and see what the hullabaloo is about. Maybe grab a nice brunch and walk around town.

Until then, I have 123 days left until my next vacation with the boy. Which means I’ll be home for the summer, on my work grind chasing that paper to pay for it. On my days off from work though, you can be sure I’ll be looking for as many fun and free/low cost things I can explore and do around Long Island and NYC. And of course, on my gym grind 24/7. There is no rest for the wicked.