GOALS FOR 2020
D̶i̶s̶n̶e̶y̶ ̶P̶r̶i̶n̶c̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶F̶a̶i̶r̶y̶t̶a̶l̶e̶ ̶C̶h̶a̶l̶l̶e̶n̶g̶e̶:̶ ̶5̶k̶/̶1̶0̶k̶/̶H̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶
Last year I was the little engine that could. I was nervous as all hell for the longest time, doubting myself, scared of failure. But I did it and I came out stronger than ever. I even survived full days at Disney along with running the races. I even gained the confidence and courage to finally take on a full marathon. Whenever live races are on again. This was my favorite big accomplishment last year and this was one of my favorite Disney trips to date, being able to experience it with my friends and family.
C̶U̶C̶B̶ ̶1̶0̶ ̶m̶i̶l̶e̶r̶
I was really looking forward to this, despite being scared that it would be my first solo race. And then covid hit and it turned virtual. This became my first virtual race (I would later sign up for the Disney summer virtuals, a series of 3 5k races). I ran it on my own around my neighborhood and realized I would have PR’d for a qualifying time for Disney races had it not been virtual. I’m upset but I’m also glad I now know I can definitely run a half in under 2:30.
Disney goals: E̶m̶p̶t̶y̶ ̶M̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶S̶t̶r̶e̶e̶t̶ ̶p̶h̶o̶t̶o̶, 4 park challenge
The 4 park challenge is definitely difficult with a big group so I wasn’t able to do it in on my February trip, and then the parks closed in March due to the pandemic and when they reopened, park hoppers were suspended. So this goal has been put on hold for the time being. The empty Main Street photo was achieved in October due to having a late dining reservation and the parks closing earlier than usual due to pandemic hours. As much as I shoot around Disney, I still feel like it’s not enough, hahaha.
Learn the basics of my camera already.
Listen. I’m totally trash. I kept saying this over and over and then just kept putting it off. I did try before my October trip, but then got distracted and relied on the husband again to take my photos. But I know that when I buckle down and really lock myself in a room and force myself to do it, I’ll do it.
Wear more green.
I was on hiatus from March to June due to the pandemic and when shoots started up again, I was working on ideas but totally forgot about this color goal. I do want to carry this over in 2021 since my hair color has changed and I do need to work on finding a new color palette that complements the new hair.
Work on upper body strength to be able to handle/pull up my own body weight: chin-ups, pull-ups, push-ups, dips, p̶l̶a̶n̶k̶s̶.̶ ̶W̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶f̶l̶e̶x̶i̶b̶i̶l̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶p̶l̶i̶t̶.̶ ̶
With gyms closed from March to Sept, I put this on the back burner as I was doing alternative workouts I could figure out to do at home. My push-ups have improved after doing Insanity. And my planks have been remaining strong at 2 minutes and 30 seconds so I’m really proud of that. I’ve also been working on my splits lately because I wanted to get better at stretching and warming up before workouts. I’m hoping to incorporate more yoga and pilates into my workouts this year and trying new things so hopefully we can continue working on this as well.
Find new places to shoot that I haven’t shot before yet.
LOL last year I said I worried about it getting monotonous and boring that I keep shooting at the same flower fields and places every year. Well jokes on me, because 2020 covid said hold my beer. Even my regular go to places became hard to shoot at and I ended up learning to be grateful for those same places. I did end up exploring more nooks and crannies in NYC because we were all grounded due to travel restrictions, limited access, early closing hours and curfews.
W̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶a̶l̶a̶n̶c̶e̶d̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶h̶i̶p̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶d̶.̶ Wean myself off checking the scale obsessively.
I do honestly believe I spent this year making good decisions foodwise. Like I purposely chose to eat healthier not because I was trying to ‘lose’ anything but just to be healthy period. I ate ‘normal’ every now and then absolutely but in moderation and I knew when to dial back and reign it in. But on the regular, I meal prepped and chose whole and clean foods, ate less processed and obviously ate out MUCH less due to the pandemic. I tried to keep my protein up as much as possible, and low fat and low carb. My sugar intake is at an all time low. I don’t crave it. I ate the least amount of ice cream this year simply because of the pandemic cutting down on my foodie gram tours. As for the scale, I still unfortunately do that obsessively. And unfortuately my weight did go up since the pandemic. BUT! When I was going back and reviewing photos to compile for a year in review of 2020, I realized something. Despite the numbers on the scale not saying what I want it to say and increasing in number, I actually look better than I did when I was at these numbers years ago. So what I need to unlearn is that the ONE number my scale displays is just that. It’s ONE number. It doesn’t show the bigger picture of my body composition. I may be heavier because my lean muscle mass is increasing. Because I’m heavier on the scale but definitely not in photos. My core definition is a big difference at 120 lbs now vs where it was in 2018 when I was 120. I do feel my legs have gotten thicker though. But I feel that’s my own fault as I try to focus more on legs when I work out, to strengthen my running. I need to find the balance to lean them out again.
C̶l̶o̶s̶e̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶o̶v̶e̶r̶.̶ ̶G̶e̶t̶ ̶r̶i̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶c̶o̶s̶p̶l̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶w̶n̶s̶i̶z̶e̶ ̶f̶u̶r̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶t̶h̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶e̶m̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶d̶/̶w̶o̶r̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶p̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶5̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶r̶s̶.̶ ̶
Honestly this is still a work in progress. I couldn’t sell a lot of cosplays due to the pandemic shutting down cons and thus the demand for costumes were deadened. BUT! I did sell a lot of my Bonne Chance dresses I was trying to get rid of. I did a big closet overhaul of clothes and makeup. I gave it away to coworkers and donated the rest. I still want to get rid of more in 2021 to make room for new stuff.
C̶u̶t̶ ̶d̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶c̶r̶e̶d̶i̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶d̶ ̶d̶e̶b̶t̶.̶ Hopefully get rid of it and get back to a clean slate by the end of 2020.
I wasn’t able to get back to a clean slate, but I’m getting there! Since travel was cut down a lot and I wasn’t adventuring and dining in the city or out at all like I normally do, I did save a lot of money by not buying new clothes as often as I used to, or dining out as much as I used to. I’m hoping in 3-4 months time, I’ll finally be back to a clean slate of a zero balance on my credit card and then I can focus on my student loan debt. Since 2021 is going to be more of what 2020 was as we try to get a control on this virus, I think it’s safe to say, I should be able to buckle down and get this done.
GOALS FOR 2021
Work on finishing the house. Finish the bedroom, the spare room, get a real dining room table set.
This is part of a bigger topic my husband and I talked about late last year when races were cancelled and I was left alone to my thoughts and felt like the life I wanted and was working on was being forced on hold, and I would have to grow up faster than I wanted to. I felt a lot of pressure. It was a long discussion but in the end, we realized we should focus on finishing our house and making a house a home first. It’s something we have to work on anyway before taking on any more big financial curveballs.
Work on a brand new portfolio.
If I’m being honest, I am still not comfortable with my new hair color. I miss the blonde immensely. I don’t miss the upkeep, the dry damaged strands and everything else, but I really miss how I looked blonde. It was me. But I also don’t want it to be me anymore. I want to like the dark color on me, but I’ve yet to feel like it’s me. I don’t regret doing it because honestly it was time. But I still feel uncomfortable in this skin. But I think it’s also because I haven’t found my footing with it. I have yet to nail “the look” with it. With my blonde I know what worked hair and makeup wise. With the dark hair, I have to adjust to it and hone in to what my strong points with it are so I can own it. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and even with the blonde it took time before I came into a strong look with it so I know I should be patient as I play around with various looks and styles.
Disney goals: Mickey balloons and more Disney bounds
In place of cosplay, I’ve been loving the Disney bounds I’ve put together in my past trips. I especially love that I can wear some of it in my regular day to day outfits, and some of the accessories fit for non Disney shoots as well. Possible future bound ideas for future visits: Dapper Dan, Beast, Gaston, Vanessa, Belle, Jasmine, Maleficent, Megara, Esmeralda, Jane (Tarzan), Mary Poppins. Yes I know this is a pattern of brunette characters as I really do hate wearing wigs.
For the balloons, I have two different goals. I want to buy a rainbow bouquet of them to shoot with, and then give away to various guests throughout the park and make their day. I hunted down the Halloween Mickey balloon this year and at the end of the night, this little baby boy wanted it and I gave it away and he was the most precious thing ever. Stuff like that makes me believe in the magic. Secondly, I want to take a few Mickey balloons home. This would require a road trip to Disney as it would be rather difficult to get back home on a plane without disturbing other passengers. I’m hoping we can road trip it this May.
Perfect a no-makeup makeup look.
With the pandemic mask wearing, I’ve been wearing less and less makeup. Which I do enjoy sometimes, but sometimes I really miss doing a whole ass look, okay?!?! I love makeup. But since it’s a waste to put on only to have it covered by a mask, I’ve since been skipping some steps like foundation, blush, highlighter and lipstick. For work, I just do eyes now, but I would love to figure out a minimal eyeliner/nice lash look. Unfortunately this Asian is not blessed with nice, long, natural lashes. I have like 8 lashes on each eye and they all hate me. I tried out magnetic lashes but I didn’t find they last long enough for their convenience. I thought about lash extensions but I really hate how they look if you don’t maintain them well; aka those girls that look spidey vein-y when they should have went in for a fill 2 weeks ago but are really pushing it. I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of commitment. Plus I worry about them damaging my already hanging on by a thread lashes. I am curious about micro-blading so I can stop drawing on my eyebrows daily. But ultimately I do want to perfect an effortless, everyday, simple look.
Try new workouts. Look for more new running trails. Go on more walks with the husband.
This is why I’m doing the #21DayTone Blogilates challenge if you’ve been keeping up with my IG stories. But I’ll make a separate blog about this once the challenge is over. While I still do love lifting weights, it does feel monotonous sometimes. There’s only so much of the same old picking things up and putting them down before it gets boring and you’re just doing it to get through the motions. The good news is this resolution is not to simply “continue working out” because at this point, it’s built into my daily routine due to laying down good habits a few years ago. At this point, the resolution is to not be stubborn in refusing to try new things. I am definitely one afraid of change sometimes because if something’s not broken, why fix it, but at the same time, I do feel like I’m plateauing in some areas and I do want to change things up and need a change of pace as well. I’m curious as to other running trails available on Long Island. I also want to dedicate a day to running the entirety of Central Park. I also want to run through the Cherry Blossoms despite the Cherry Blossom run not being held this year. Maybe I’ll make a trip to DC in the spring and run it with Kerri on our own. The walks with my husband I started last year as a cooldown to my runs and I really do enjoy them as we use it as a time away from our phones to simply get some steps in and catch up and talk about whatever, without the distraction of technology. I want to make these more regular.
Take dance or pole lessons to work on my flexibility.
I’m going to be real honest and terrible here. I just want to be flexible enough to do the 34+35 split and twerk because that shit was impressive and that clip lives in my head rent free on loop. I think Ariana Grande is a little hoe but you can’t help but say the girl’s got some bops and she does some cute shit sometimes despite being such a hoe, lol. I also love watching my friend Marianne dance on her pole in her apartment in her stories and I wish I could swing around a pole that smoothly and flawlessly. It would also help work on my really shitty core and balance.
LEARN MY DAMN CAMERA ALREADY.
I’m not even going to talk about this anymore.
Read one book a month. Finish a damn series if I start it on Netflix or whatever streaming service I’m using.
I need to stop starting and then forgetting to finish shit because I got distracted by something else. I also want to start reading more again. Send book suggestions. Nothing too heavy though.
Be more organized.
I used to make lists. I need to do that again. 2020 is like…the lost year. I lost momentum a little bit with my goals, making to-do check lists, lists of ideas and inspiration, etc. I need to figure out an organization system instead of trying to rely too much on memory and then remembering to do something last minute or worse, too late. I used to keep better track of my workouts too. I used to write it all down, my nutrition, everything. I want to get back to that. I need order in my life. Admittedly, that’s when I get the most done and feel the most productive, as well as successful. I want to keep track of everything better again. I also need to organize my closet better to keep it tidy easier. I hate cleaning it once every so often only to have to do it again soon. I need to stay organized. I need to form better habits in this area to de-clutter my life as well.
Get rid of all credit card debt by the end of this year. Go back to being able to pay bills in full.
I got into this mess when my husband was transitioning careers and I had to carry the household for a bit and I was in over my head because I still wanted to go on nice vacations, blow money on cosplay, and buy stupid nice shit for myself instead of being a responsible adult and living within my means because YOLO. In retrospect, I don’t regret the travelling but I definitely wasted my time on cosplay. If I could go back in time, I would definitely tell that idiot you don’t need to bring a new cosplay for each day at the con. And you definitely don’t need to waste your time perfecting each damn cosplay.
reflection on 2020
I met this girl @alex_andrya on IG earlier last year at the Princess races. She told me she started following me a few years ago when I first started my running and fitness goals. She’s an amazing girl who battled through covid working at her hospital, working long hours, strenuous conditions without proper PPE, saving patient lives every day. And when she wasn’t doing that, she was out there being active in every sense of the word. She does runs through blizzards! She showed up for civil rights protests. She bikes regularly. She does so much on top of trying to keep up to date with every little and big change 2020 threw at us. Her 2020 post had me feeling inspired to write my own.
2020 was the year I ran the Disney Princess Fairytale challenge! A year ago today, I was deathly terrified of this, anxious that I had signed up for something that was way over my head. I really worried of coming back in shame not being able to run a 5k, 10k and a half marathon back to back over 3 days. I thought it was impossible. But instead I conquered it, came out strong and with new courage to finally set my next goal to conquer for a FULL marathon. I still can't believe I did that. I know I keep repeating this but seriously this was a HUGE thing for me that I’m just really proud of because years ago I would have thought this was impossible. And not only that, I did it with one of my best friends by my side! And my sisters all completing their first ever 5k with me! This was one of my favorite highlights that 2020 can never dim for me. I also was fortunate enough to visit Disney twice this year. In having to watch all my races get cancelled one by one after the lockdown began, at first I was frustrated, angry, then sad that everything was getting taken away as time dragged on and there was no end in sight. But then it made me realize how incredibly fortunate I was to experience my February races before this happened. And despite Disney being a different world with mask and social distancing rules when they reopened later in the year, my October trip was still a great time. I turned 32 and I'm not even mad about it because I got to celebrate it at the happiest place in the world.
2020 was the year I truly learned to hone in on my discipline. I surprised myself and somehow still made time to work out everyday despite gyms being closed. I refused to use the pandemic as an excuse. My husband cleared a space in the house and built me a small home gym. I made time for it, day or night, no excuses. I did a full 63 day Insanity program and forced it into my schedule even when we went away for a few days upstate. I really learned to make my health and fitness a priority. The old me would have made excuses, no lie. But the current me went out and continued being active literally every day, whether it was looking for new running trails, home workouts, walking to get steps in, biking, whatever. I scheduled it into everyday, rain, snow or shine, whether I was away from home on vacation or whatever. Looking back I ate more healthy overall and more consistently. So my relationship with food is overall improving. Despite my current feelings last week of feeling "lost" in my routine and direction, I have to give myself credit for still working through it. This entire year I've kept true to my word in maintaining an active lifestyle. That is HUGE to be able to say this is now a lifestyle, not just a phase.
2020 was also the year I became a superhero. Despite the burdens that this pandemic placed on the shoulders of healthcare professionals, I went into work everyday which sounds stupid because duh you're supposed to show up for work, but it really is a big deal in the face of the pandemic is just show up. We had a huge staff shortage in the hospital from some falling sick to the virus itself and being out for weeks to months and when they recovered, they were still in a weakened state, still not able to breathe normally. We unfortunately even lost some of our best staff to this unpredictable virus, as it ravaged on and took a lot of young, healthy lives too soon. We lost our best nurses. And then we had some staff that simply refused to show up because fear. So yes. Showing up to work is a BIG deal. Showing up to work means another patient can receive the care they need on time. It means the patient's labs, drug interactions and interventions can be given the attention they need to make sure every individual patient's med chart gets adjusted to the right dose, right drug, at the right time. So no. Pharmacy doesn't ever just "slap a label on it" despite what you think they do as the gremlins of healthcare. There is more going on behind the scenes than you think. We all learned to work faster and more efficiently, learning to batch IVs as fast as we could with as little resources as we had due for the drug shortages and backorders going on nationwide. I'm scarred from the first lockdown making a million IV bags per shift of midazolam, fentanyl, Precedex, vasopressin, phenylephrine, norepinephrine before we even get to the virus specific meds.
Despite 2020 being what it was, I also refuse to throw in the towel and say it was a horrible year. It was hard, it was uncomfortable, it was long. Everything about hit different than ever before. But when you're forced out of your comfort zone, that is when growth happens. And looking back, hindsight truly is 20/20. I thought I didn't do anything this year. But in reality I did SO MUCH.
And for 2021, I’m cautious but ready. I’m stepping into it with a new look, a rebirth of myself, if you will.
So ladies and gents, let me reintroduce myself. The Queen is rising.
