When They See Us

June 12, 2019

I have honestly never heard of and knew about the Central Park Five case until this week. It popped up on my Netflix and it looked interesting and reading the description had me curious. Within minutes I was hooked in and even more curious as the first episode played on. I started Googling and looking up more information regarding the case.

If you lived under a rock like me, When They See Us is a 4 episode Netflix special telling of the true story of 5 boys who were unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time. On the night of April 19, 1989, a big group of teenagers attacked, assaulted and robbed several people in Central Park. The police were called to come in and take care of the situation. As police apprehended whoever they could find, a woman was found beaten, raped and left for dead in the park. Desperate to solve this brutal crime, they fabricated and fed this story to the 5 boys they had in their custody and coerced them into confessing something they didn’t do. This case is known as the Central Park Five. One boy was dragged into it simply because he wanted to support his friend who was being brought in for questioning. He ended up paying for it the most. Years later, the real perpetrator confessed to the crime but it was too late. The boys had already been convicted and served their time and the real rapist was never tried and prosecuted for this crime in which 5 innocent boys had paid the price for, because the statute of limitations had passed.

As they unfolded the tragic fate of each boy as they paid for a crime they didn’t commit, each performance was outstanding in showing the struggle and hardships they went through as they were incarcerated and lost years of their lives away and then slowly tried to transition back into society with so much notoriety and negativity as wrongfully convicted felons. The actor who portrayed Korey Wise’s story did a phenomenal job as episode 4 was emotionally hard to watch and truly eye-opening through all the themes it explored. I loved that they even touched upon the relationship between him and his transgender sister, played by Isis King, one of my favorite contestants from America’s Next Top Model, back in the day when I used to watch religiously.

I asked coworkers about it who lived through it since 1989 was infant years for me. It’s really unfortunate how the media made it out to be for these boys who eventually were exonerated many, many years later. They were BABIES when this happened to them. And were incarcerated till they were full grown men. Nothing can and will ever give them the time they lost back. It’s so sad. $41 million in my opinion is definitely not enough for what happened to them. The damage to their lives, families, reputation, everything. Watching this special made me so sad and so mad at the same time to see that this injustice is still existing and happening in the world today.

To drive the knife further in, they aired a clip of what Trump said during this time and it’s even more maddening. I looked up his involvement in the Central Park Five case and it’s really hypocritical and more frustrating to see the double standard in which this orange Mussolini voiced his opinion about how they deserved the death penalty and yet is the same jamoke who elected a rapist to the Supreme Court. As well as referred to violent white supremacists as “very fine people.” And then to this day, after the 5 were exonerated and the real rapist confessed and was proven through DNA evidence, he is still in denial of the 5’s innocence. He has refused to admit that he was wrong and continues to peddle yet another racist lie. It’s amazing to me how people still support this idiot.

This piece spoke to me because it was so beautifully put together and well executed to tell the story of these 5 boys. The casting was perfect and the performances were powerful. There is much to take away from this and will leave you scouring the internet to learn more. It will make you angry. It will make you sad. It will move you. It’s only 4 episodes long but you’ll find yourself both wanting to finish it but needing to take a break in between each because it’s so hard to watch because of how heart wrenching it is. I usually don’t like recommend the shows I watch because I do watch a lot of garbage and I watch some weird shit sometimes that isn’t for everyone, but this series I highly recommend no matter what audience you’re part of. It’s worth the time to watch and educate yourself about the injustices that happened and is still happening around the country today.

If you watched it, sound off below! I’d love to read your thoughts and discuss further.

Toxic

June 10, 2019

Have you ever been super excited to share something with someone only to be rejected or they not share that same enthusiasm back? Or worse, instead of being offered support and encouragement, you were hit with cynicism, doubt and negativity?

Rewind to January 2018. I hit rock bottom. I was at my heaviest weight, not fitting into my clothes the way I wanted and hating how I looked in everything and in the mirror. I finally decided to get my life together and make a change. I started taking my workouts more seriously and stepped it up. I worked with a personal trainer, I started lifting, I changed my diet, I ramped everything up. I went almost everyday. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and pounds started finally shedding off the scale and the weight came off and my body toned up. I was finally looking more and more like the old me, but better. Even leaner and healthier than before. And after a while, even when I reached my goals, I found myself still continuing with my diet and exercise. As cliche as it sounds, it really was a lifestyle change. I eat clean almost every day. Even at parties and other food filled events, I try to make the smarter choice. Of course I cheat every now and then but it’s just 1-2x a month. Do I miss my favorite foods? Absolutely. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t dying for some mac and cheese, ice cream, McDonald’s fries and a Big Mac. But I remember how eating all these foods on a regular basis made me feel and that’s what shakes me right back into reality to make the better decision. I remind myself I like how I look now and that’s how I discipline myself into making the better choice when it comes to food. I make myself go to the gym because if I don’t, the day doesn’t feel right. I’m actually lower in energy if I don’t go, ironically. It gives me the boost I need to go about the day.

But this is a lot of digressing. What am I getting at?

What I want to talk about today is what I found during this fitness journey of mine. When speaking to other people trying to lose weight and adopt and a healthier lifestyle too, I found that a lot of them experienced the same thing. What was it?

It's not an uncommon thing. It's just not always talked about and addressed but when going through this type of journey or maybe any type of journey where you’re trying to take steps towards a better life for yourself, you sometimes face some backlash. Not everyone will understand why you’re choosing to do this and not everyone will be as supportive as they should be. They will be negative about your decisions and try and tell you there’s no reason to change. Stand your ground. They will be cynical and believe you can’t do it so why bother. Prove them wrong.

I had a toxic person in my life try to tell me I didn’t need to change as they were trying to feed me more of the unhealthy foods that had caused my downward spiral. I found this hypocritical. Don’t feed me that body positive disguised bullshit as you try to sabotage me. Jealousy looks ugly on you.

It all comes back to misery loves company. Some people don’t want you to change because they’re afraid of accepting the reality that they need to improve too in their own life. And you wanting to do better makes them feel uncomfortable because they are not ready to take that step for themselves. It’s funny because the people who won’t make the sacrifices required to get somewhere in life are usually the same people who will criticize others who do put in the work to reap the rewards. They know nothing about the work it takes to get to where you are, but are the quickest to give their opinion.

If you want to be able to share your journey and growth with people that appreciate hearing about them, you need to find people that enjoy participating in the same type of experiences. That’s why gym rats tend to find each other and group together. They see your transformations as inspirational instead of intimidating and alien. They will want to encourage you, not correct you. They are capable of relating and can see themselves realistically emulating the experience. It’s a human trait to be more interested in the things you can relate to.

And part of your journey is accepting how devoted you are to attaining your goals and not dimming your intensity to please other people. This is your life, not theirs. They do not get to dictate how you should live it when you’re working hard on the road to become a better, healthier, fitter, more active you.

In the end, pay no attention to the toxic people in your life. Cut them off if you can. Not everyone is going to understand your journey and they don’t have to. But if they’re not rooting for you and able to respect your decisions, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life honestly. Cut out the negative. Trust. You’ll be better off without. Stop spending time with them. Cut them off from your life. And the people who are rooting for you and are your personal cheerleaders? Invest your time in them instead. Make them proud. Push yourself and go the distance. Use that as motivation. You should be excited for that kind of encouragement. It sucks to have negative people rooting against you, yes, but those positive people betting on you? Are your angels. Do them proud. Use that energy and turn it into even more positive energy in the gym. Spend more time with these people. Surround yourself with that aura and uplifting vibes. That’s what you deserve as you climb your wayto the top. Not that negative Nancy bullshit. And this doesn’t apply to just fitness, it applies to any positive changes and growth you try to work on and make in your life that may be met with resistance instead of encouragement and support. Don’t let those people get you down.

And if you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit. Consistency continues to be underrated and underestimated. Prove those bitches wrong, you mother effing queen.

BFFs

June 8, 2019

In your entire lifetime, you’ll make a handful of friends. You’ll make childhood friends, school friends, college friends, work friends, neighbor friends, family friends, acquaintances, friends through networking, the list goes on. There are friends who you’ll click with immediately. There are friends who you hate at first and then the relationship grows into something unexpected and strong. There are friends who you can only handle in small doses. There are friends who you will eventually burn bridges with and part ways. There are friends who you find out were never truly your friend, but friends out of convenience, or because they wanted to benefit from you and use you in some way. There are friends who are actually frenemies, keeping you close because ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer,’ as they are secretly wishing your demise. There are also friends who you part ways with amicably simply because you grew apart. There are friends you lose because someone moves away and you lose touch. There are friends where you can go long periods of time without speaking to each other simply because different lives and paths, but when you do reunite when stars align, it’s like you never left each other. You pick back up where you left off. And there are also friends you speak to everyday.

There is no one answer to what kind of friendship you will have and experience. You live and learn. Not every friendship is perfect. And your friends may not always understand what you are going through.

I’ve been through a lot of friendships in my life and admittedly, I’ve burned a lot of bridges myself. But when I look back on them, I realized it was their time to end. A chapter on my life closed. Not all friendships are meant to last. Every person in your life is meant to teach you something, as hard as the lesson is to learn.

I learned that people are fickle. A best friend may leave you because they are not mature enough to balance friends and lovers. They may also be petty and seek revenge in their ex by befriending all their ex’s friends and thus you become a casualty in that battle because your friendship ends up on the back burner as they try to steal someone else’s friends.

I learned that people can also be very selfish. Thinking only of themselves and their own feelings in a situation with no consideration for others. And when confronted, are too immature to see beyond themselves and thus play the victim.

I learned that people can be shady as all hell. They will take advantage of your kindness and generosity and possibly your entire family. They’ll treat you like a friend but another family member like dirt. They’ll also be cheap as all hell, paying down to the exact penny when everyone else is generous and magnanimous.

People can also be fake. Being friends with you out of convenience for a time. When your use has expired or all dried up, will move on and no longer care about putting effort into the friendship. You’ll see they were walking on eggshells simply to get what they wanted and needed. And then walk out.

But the trick here is to not let these experiences mar and poison the good friendships you do have. Do not let those bad people scar you into thinking everyone else is that way and mold you into a bitter, unforgiving person, not giving others a chance. And don’t let it distract you and have you end up neglecting your existing friendships. Don’t punish those who are standing by loyally and steadfast. Those people are your BFFs.

Your BFFs will stand the test of time. You may not always have time for each other but you work to make time. Because you make time for what’s important to you. And who’s important to you. And you’ll cherish when you can, whether those moments are rare or abundant in your life. The funny thing is I’ve always taken a lot of pictures. But looking back, I wish I had taken even more photos of me and my friends over the years. Of the good and the bad. I really love looking back and remembering all the fun times and even the not so fun but crazy times we went through together. They were still great because we went through it together. From struggling poor college kids to thriving adults, we’re in this adventure together. Money buys a lot of things, but it doesn’t buy you time. Time with those you love the most.

As I start to walk into my 30s, I’ve weeded out the people I don’t need in my life, valuing quality over quantity. I only want to make time for those who add value to my life and enrich it. I want to go on trips and make memories with my closest friends and family. I feel bad because this is what I should have been doing all along. Devoting more time to those who will stay long term. But you live and you learn.

I don’t completely regret all the friendships that have ended, for they happened for a reason to reinforce the importance of everyone else in my life that has stuck around to this day. Invest in them. Love them. Tell them. Hug them at every hello and goodbye.

Happy National Best Friends Day.