Prom

Today was my baby sister's prom. I helped her get ready and styled her hair and look. I really wish I had these skills years ago but the age I grew up in was not the golden age of social media sharing and YouTube. Today, you can learn how to do almost anything on YouTube or by simply googling a tutorial. Hell, the age I grew up in, I barely wore makeup not only because my mom wouldn't let me wear it (because hello, oldest child gets most restrictions growing up) but because there was barely any available at the time. We also live in the revolution of makeup as well in this day in age. Back then, all you could find was pencil eyeliner, mascara and those rollerball lipglosses at the dollar store. White eye pencil on your waterline was all the rage at one point. Looking back, I have no idea why peope liked this look. I was guilty of it too. 

I also had no idea how to use a curling iron or do anything with my  hair other than tie it into ponytails. So basically I saved up money to get an updo done at a professional salon and my boyfriend's (now husband) sister did my makeup for me. Prom was really expensive. It still is, but with my skills and knowledge now, I could probably cut a lot of the costs in half. Especially since there are a lot of nice dresses on cheaper sites now too. There are still really expensive overpriced gowns but looking back, I don't think my prom dress was worth it. I loved it at the time but there are so many more beautiful, detailed, crystallized dresses now. I still like the color though. I loved the baby pink. 

Funny thing, my baby sis also wore pink for her own prom - blush pink. And wanted flowers in her hair just like I did. Except I didn't have long hair at the time, nor was braids popular back then, especially for formal hair. Now it's a nicee, soft, romantic look in this day and age. She wanted a Rapunzel inspired look so I gave her a pull through braid combined with a fishtail braid. I curled it before I started to give her hair more volume and soften the look. It came out pretty well. We added some simple accessories to pull the look together, but still keep it more about her own natural beauty. 

Looking back at my own prom pictures, I like how colorful my group was. But I would've probably picked a different dress. But my options and resources were limited and I had to work with what I had. Today the internet is a great place to search for pretty much anything as long as you can dream it. You can get a dress made in your size or even order a custom one of a kind piece off Etsy. Even Forever 21 has a nice formal line and wide selection of appropriate evening wear. 

Looking back, would I still go to prom knowing what I know now about this American tradition? Yes and no. Yes because I did enjoy the experience and felt like it was a bucket list thing for me to do and be a part of. I had a fun night with my friends all dressed up and snazzy. It was my first formal experience with the boy and I did enjoy it a lot just being with him, and then being able to spend all weekend with him. When you're a teenager, all you want is time alone with your boyfriend, especially when you have overprotective parents that don't let you do anything or even have friends over or even have friends, actually.   

I say no because there were a few mishaps. Prom didn't go swimmingly smooth for me. There was a lot of drama between friends and I actually ended up losing a friend over a guy that weekend. It was a lot of aggravation and a stressful time for me during the last month of school losing what I thought was one of my best friends at the time. Looking back, I don't care anymore because we actually did try to be friends again years later in college and it just didn't work out. Over time, we simply grew apart and lost interest in each other in a mutual way. I'm not sad about this falling out, but the original fallout during prom was the more painful of lessons to learn. 

I learned that not everyone has good intentions and not everyone knows how to balance the dynamics of relationships between friends and boyfriends. And not everyone will respect your wishes. It would later be a recurring theme throughout my life where the girls in my life were simply not mature enough to balance both guys and friends. I'll admit, I am very selfish when it comes to my time and I learned I am very selfish when it comes to wanting my friends to still make time for me even if they are in a relationship. Is this wrong? I don't like being dropped over a guy because I won't do that to someone else. But another friend also told me, my kind of friendship is very rare. I value friendship a lot more than most people and my loyalty is both my best trait and my downfall. And when it's betrayed, it affects me very deeply. When I love, I love hard. But when I hurt, I also hurt just as bad. No one likes to be let down and lose someone they cared about. But like everything, time heals all wounds and this too, shall pass. And it did. I can say today I'm no longer affected by this incident. I look at it now as a learning experience and how it was the stepping stone to making me a stronger person. I started learning after this and other betrayals that I needed to not give myself out so freely. In both a good and bad way, it helped mold me into a meaner but stronger person. I also stopped trying to want to be everyone's friend. I became more selective of who was deserving of my time. 

I used to think that I would stay friends and in touch with the people I went to high school with. I don't know why I thought this way. I used to like everyone too. Now I hate everyone, lol. I don't talk to anyone from high school, except like 4 people and two of them were in my wedding and are my best friends still to this day.

High school is a funny thing too. I was known for being weird and out there because I dressed funny, and I wasn't very pretty or attractive, I'd say. I didn't break necks, that's for sure. I doubt boys thought about me. I was really weird compared to my peers. I didn't share a lot in common with most people. I had to actually hide my interests because what I liked was considered "lame." 

But now is a different story. I'm constantly stalked by a lot of people - they think they slick but I see you constantly watching my stories even if you're not publicly "following" me on Insta. And it's been confirmed by other friends that some high school people stalk my online activities now, jealous of my glow up, especially girls that used to make fun of me because I liked to wear furry Spice Girl platform boots to class. Yeah bitch, I see you and your fake fan self trying to pretend to like Pokemon now and all the shit I always genuinely liked and nerded out about. Although I don't get these ghost stalkers. Some of them are guys with girlfriends or wives too. Sometimes I think of screenshotting their stalking activities and sending it to their others, lol. But I either haven't cared enough to get to this point or I haven't gotten bored enough with my time. 

My baby sister is the last of us 5 kids to finish high school and the last of us to attend prom. It's funny because I was the only kid actually really excited and wanted to go to prom. And my mom actually wouldn't let me because she was scared of American culture and the dangers of letting her daughter out with white people. And I actually wasn't going to go but the boy actually stepped in and refused to let me miss out on prom. He didn't want to go to prom at all, don't get me wrong, most guys don't really want to attend this, they're just dragged there by their girlfriends, but he didn't want me to regret not going. And so he did something really sweet. He had money saved up to buy the new xBox 360 that was just released but instead put it towards buying me a prom dress. He even took me shopping, surprising me one day after school when we had a half day due to midterms. He asked his mom and sister to take us out that afternoon to find me a dress. This selfless act will always resonate with me and I will forever love him for it because it showed to me at a young age how much he really did care. He put in a lot of work and effort to help make prom happen. I ended up being the one in charge of the limo and prom group and it was the first time I had to handle a big group of personalities and it was seriously a lot of stress especially when it came to collecting money to make sure everyone paid for their spots, but the boy was there every step of the way to help me. He helped to book and arrange weekend plans post prom too, which was quite an experience as young kids learning how to book a hotel room and travel to NYC and navigate our way around. In these days, it's so easy for kids but back then, it was challenging to learn. 

When it came time for my other siblings to go to prom, it was a different ordeal. My brother didn't even decide until legit two days before that he was going to go. I had to help him rent a tux last minute and my sister who was head of the AV club and working prom to film it for his senior class, threatened the vice principal that there'd be no prom footage for senior video if she wasn't allowed to have my brother come along with her. I guess this is where it started that she learned to be a bully, lol. 

My twin sisters, I'm not sure they really wanted to go to prom, but one of them didn't. She wasn't crazy about wearing a dress or makeup or getting all glammed up. But I talked her into doing it to at least experience it and I'm glad she chose to in the end. Her dress was bought last minute too, lol. They both looked really nice and it was fun taking them dress shopping and putting together their looks. 

All 5 kid in the family have now experienced prom, except that my mother has no idea that I went, lol. I mean, not like it's going to do me any harm now if she finds out. I'm grown and live on my own and I'm married so what's going to do now? But that entire weekend, I lied and said I was away upstate for a Student Government trip. I even forged a legit permission slip and everything. NO RAGRETS. Not even a single letter, lol. 

Intro

I figured I should probably start with a little bit more about myself. I imagine most people coming here are from my Instagram but of course, every so often we  have someone new to the rodeo and aren't familiar with my brand of humor, sass and personality. Some people like to try me and you know what they say about playing with fire. So if you don't like what I post, let's start right here by showing yourself out the door. I'm not a nice girl, but I'm also not a mean girl for no reason. All that aside, let's begin!

I'm RxBarbie, which I prefer to be called by unless you are a close friend or family. I'm 29 and slightly terrified but slowly becoming okay with turning 30 soon. I'm the oldest of 5 kids and my mom is terribly mad at me for still not giving her any grandkids because I'm still too busy YOLO-ing. I work in healthcare and although I did not initially go into the field for any genuine interest or passion in it, I've grown to appreciate and like my job. 

I don't know what my story is. Maybe it's a Vietnamese-American Cinderella story. Oh yes, I'm also Vietnamese. But I was born in Thailand because my parents were in a refugee camp at the time trying to make their way to America to seek a better life and escape aftermath of the war even though it was long over(Just because a war is "over" does not mean its people do not have to deal with repercussions years later but that's another topic for another time.).  I emigrated here with my grandfather and my parents when I was about one. I grew up pretty poor but my parents always made sure we had enough to eat. My mom made all my clothes or collected hand me downs from family friends or searched through church donations. I stood on line with her at food pantries and watched at the grocery store as she filled out WIC checks and bought food for all us kids on with food stamps. We really did start at the bottom. But it helped me learn the value of the dollar and to work hard to build myself and my family a better life. We struggled so that we could build a better future for ourselves. I did really well in high school but not so well in college. I almost dropped out. It was one of the wake up calls in my life that I needed to get my shit together. And I did. One of the things I've learned going through all the trials in life that I've been handed, is that no matter how much something sucks or how hard life seems, I can get through it. "This too shall pass" has always been my mantra. 

I'm still not rich today but I do consider myself pretty successful in all my endeavors.  I don't look like it but when it comes down to it, I would consider myself a pretty simple girl. I just want to be happy. I set out to do a lot of things and I've done most of it for the most part. I built my life from the ground up with my own two hands. 

The funny thing is, besides paying off my ball and chain student loans and mortgage, I don't have much in terms of goals right now. I accomplished most things I set out to do already. The last thing now I guess is to start a family but the problem there is, I'm not really sure that's the path I want, at least not for right now. I just want to have fun and go on adventures with my loved ones. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I love eating - I'm a foodie, and I love taking pictures. I love dressing up - I will gladly do it for almost any occasion or even no occasion at all. I like putting together outfits and looks and photo documenting everything as you can see from all my social media accounts. I'm also very vain, guilty as charged. 

I originally had my career goals set on fashion back in high school. But upon senior year while I did get into FIT, my parents refused to let me choose that path. It was medicine or bust. I didn't want to go to medical school. I knew I didn't want to be trapped in 12+ years of school. I have a family friend who's much older than me and she's still going to school. Plus I don't deal well with blood and I didn't want to touch people. I like helping people but I didn't want to do all the dirty work nurses and doctors do with direct contact with patients. Don't get me wrong, I give them mad props for what they go through everyday, but it wasn't for me. OB/Gyns make a lot of money but I knew there was no way I wanted to look at, or even touch that shit all day. I don't have the stomach for it. 

In my senior year budget project for Economics class, we had to put together a whole portfolio of how we would survive in the real world with our chosen profession. I looked up several careers in the medical field and I stumbled upon pharmacy. It fit everything I was looking for to please my parents. It was about 6-8 years in school depending on the school, which I considered doable, and the salary was pretty decent. When I plugged in the numbers in how I wanted to live, bills and all, it worked out. So after the project was over, I actually started looking into it as a major for college since I had yet to decide on one. Luckily a few of the schools I applied to actually did have pharmacy as a major. In terms of the workload and dedication, I had no idea what I was in for, honestly. So yes, it was quite a rude awakening at the time when I crossed that bridge.

I also didn't know much about pharmacy other than retail stores. I didn't know about all the different settings you could work in like industrial, business, hospital, government, etc. It's funny because at the time I only knew about retail and thought this would be the rest of my life. When I got there with my hand in the actual field and on the job, it was okay at first until corporate started getting more and more ridiculous. I quit after about 3 years and switched over to hospital. So far I find hospital better than retail but sometimes I wonder if there's something more for me out there, either pharmacy or something completely different. But at the same time, I struggle with change. Sometimes change is good, but it's scary to take that leap. It's human nature to be afraid of change but they do say the most growth happens when you leave your comfort zone. I'm slowly doing that in my life with other aspects but I've always been a play it safe person who likes the comfort of knowing what's going to happen and calculating my every move before I make the jump, so it's hard for me to become more of a person who's willing to take risks. I wish I was though. I really envy some of my peers who were able to take chances and succeed. I went to high school with a friend who is now living it up in LA, streaming on Twitch regularly and making a living off of simply playing video games on the internet while people watch and donate and subscribe to his stream. Another friend from high school plays Smash all around the country. I watched Jessica Nigri go from simple congoer with her original Pikachu costume all those years ago when cosplay was not even a thing yet, to making cosplay a full time career traveling all over the world. I was there when Michelle Phan was the first makeup YouTuber showing girls how to wing their eyeliner, to now having her own makeup company and empire. And now all these girls on Instagram that get paid to go to beautiful places around the world and take beautiful photos of them traveling. The funny thing is, I don't yearn for this fame. I just yearn for the ability to do what you love and get paid for it. I like pharmacy and enjoy my job, but I can't say I LOVE it. But at the same time, I wonder if I would be able to handle that. I'm always afraid that if you turn your hobby into your job, you lose your love for it when it becomes more work than fun. Maybe I just haven't found that balance yet. But I'm also not 100% sure what I would love to do and get paid for it. Is living in Disney a full time job? Le sigh. 

Glow up from my ugly duckling self but trust me this isn't my final form
Photo by Chris Lobello Photography

Bonjour! Konichiwa! Ciao!

I have no idea what I'm doing here! I've blogged for the past 8 years on my blogspot but I closed it down to a private reader's list for years due to stalkers and trolls. Hopefully, 8 years later, the trolls have moved on with their lives but we'll see. Only time will tell what comes out of the woodworks. In the meantime, here is my new public blog! If you're here, you're probably following me publicly or ghost stalking me on Instagram. Whatever the reason is, you're here. I'll warn you now, this is going to be garbage. I have no theme or goals or whatever for this. I just like blogging and have always blogged since the beginning of MySpace. I just like writing and getting my thoughts out. And you guys obviously like reading since you clicked on that link. 

I don't have a central topic that I want to make this blog about (i.e. fashion, food, music, art) so this is just basically going to be a little bit of everything. All of the things in me. Which is actually the name of one of my sister's old blogs. I don't really know how to describe myself either which is why my About Me is so garbage. I'm a conglomerate of a bunch of things and I've never really been able to fully define myself in one word or stereotype or mold or anything, really. So here, you're going to learn about all of the things in me that I choose to share with you.

I'm not even sure where to start which is why this first post is so all over the place. I don't even know how to fully organize this website honestly. I'm going to post adventures, photoshoot pictures, my day to day life, my random thoughts, my favorite and even my not so favorite things. I'll post some throwbacks as well as new current stuff that happens in my life. If there's a certain topic, theme, advice, suggestions, whatever you'd like me to write about, leave a comment! Sometimes I get writer's block so I may use it. Sometimes I won't post for weeks. And beware, when it rains it pours. Sometimes I blog a lot. Multiple times a week or twice in a day. Depends on how busy I am or how excited and passionate I am about something. I'm also still setting this up so the site will change from time to time as I adjust to figuring it out.

I also love reading comments and discussing things if we share the same interests or you just like sharing your own view and perspective on things as long as you keep it respectful and clean. I don't tolerate any bullshit so you best believe I'll delete that shit if you wanna try trolling. I don't have time or energy to waste on that. I like conversing and sharing thoughts and ideas if you're down for that. Like for example, I just finished watching 13 Reasons Why Season 2 and I'm still so fucked up over it so I love talking to people about what they thought about the season and its hot topics. 

I am excited though to start publicly blogging again after years and years of hiding my thoughts away on blogspot. I'm not sure what to call my blog just yet so I have the tagline up as "Sunshine In the Rain." It's a line from one of my current favorite songs right now by Lauv called A Different Way. I love the line because I relate to it a lot. Throughout everything I've been through in life, one could say I've always tried to "find sunshine in the rain." I've always tried to look at the brighter side of things and move forward. I've been dealt a lot of cards in life, some easier than others, and some harder than others. But my main goals is to always be happy. I'm a person who likes to smile, to have fun and find the beauty in things. 

Buckle up, I hope you're all ready for the ride!
Say hi down below in the comments and let me know where you're from. I'd love to know where my readers are from if you guys are brave enough to say hello! :)