New Year, New Me

Not as in resolutions. I'm referring to the me last year this time in January compared to me this January. I set out a year ago to seriously lose the weight and I not only achieved my goals but I surpassed my original intended goal weight. I’m not gonna lie, it feels absolutely amazing. I know I sound like a broken record but it’s seriously my biggest achievement I’m proud of from the past year. This time last year I never thought I would ever get back to 110 lbs. I started at 130 and I was simply dreaming of 120. I ended up getting down to 105 lbs as my lowest weight! Can you imagine. I never thought I would go so far to lose 25 lbs.

So how did I do it?

People always ask me questions about my personal trainer. But the truth is he's just another member at the gym. I go to Planet Fitness because that's what's available in my area and it's cheap and close by. I also joined because I saw that they provide free personal training sessions and since I had no idea what I was doing, I really liked the idea of one on one training to show me the ropes. And I enjoyed it a lot. My gym's trainer knew his stuff, was really patient and worked with you to reach your goals on a realistic schedule. And he didn’t make you feel dumb for not knowing how to do certain things. He was patient and helped you learn the right way and the right form.

Unfortunately last year around Christmas, my gym's trainer injured himself and was going to be out of work for a month or so. I panicked. I looked like a lost puppy around the gym for the first few days he was missing. This other member who was friends with him, saw me and noticed I was always there working out with my trainer. I'm not really sure why he did it, but to this day I believe Rocco sent this angel to help me because I was hitting rock bottom with my depression about my weight. He came up to me and asked me if I was looking for someone to train with since my trainer was going to be gone for a while. At first I didn't take him up on his offer because I'll be honest, this guy was absolutely terrifying. He was HUGE. He's jacked like Arnold and he just looks mean all the time. I was afraid he was going to push me and make me work too hard. I was terrified but I stayed polite and took his number.

A few weeks go by. I slunk further into my depression because I was getting absolutely nowhere with my goals. I finally got fed up with myself, bit the bullet and texted him. We made plans for a session after the new year and I was absolutely terrified. What if I die, I thought? Well the first day wasn't as bad as I thought because we simply went over my goals and what I wanted to achieve and then he went through all the machines with me to gauge what I could and couldn't do in terms of strength and experience. We ended up training a few times a week for the first few weeks and I sent him pics of everything I ate. Then we developed our plan of attack. He gave me ideas based on what I already ate and substituted them for healthier alternatives so it wouldn't be far off from my norm. I learned to quick prep easy meals and I learned which dishes I could order from nearby restaurants at work if I was in a jam and couldn't make anything to pack in time before I left for work.I had to follow simple guidelines for my diet and trust in the process.

Some simple rules were

  1. Make sure there is a protein source every time you eat, snack or meal.

  2. Eat every 2-3 hours (set alarms!).

  3. Plan out food a day ahead.

  4. No carbs after a certain hour.

  5. When eating, make sure portions are about the size of your fist. No overeating.

I continued to send him pics of everything I ate after we developed this new diet plan. It helped to keep me accountable. I also posted everything on my IG stories daily to keep me accountable and honestly it really did help. I stuck by everything I did and ate. I wanted to use it as a tool to keep me transparent in my process and it definitely did. Of course I thought about posting and just eating something else instead, but I never did no matter how bad cravings got because honestly, what good would cheating on yourself out of your goals do? So I committed. I only cheated on days I knew I was going to be out with friends and it would be hard to stick to my diet. But most times, I did try by keeping simple snacks in my bag and planning my day around easy stops to get a quick healthy bite in. Or if I knew where we were dining, I'd look up the menu ahead of time to make sure I had some healthy choices. It wasn't easy but it was doable. The planning ahead for meals really help keep you focused though, especially for food shopping. I would only buy what I needed and no junk. I bought exactly what I was going to eat, exact portions so there was never any excess waste I was throwing out or went bad. It kept temptations out of the house and saved me money since I was only buying exactly what I was going to eat. The only problem was I had to go food shopping more often since everything prepped was pretty fresh. I was no longer eating a lot of processed foods, but whole clean foods. But lucky enough for me, my gym is right next to a supermarket so I just ran over after my workouts every other day to get food.

And during each session, I wrote down every exercise I did in a workout journal. I wrote down how many reps and how much weight I was able to do each time until it became routine enough in my head that I no longer needed the book. It definitely helped a lot in the beginning to write everything down. Some days my new trainer couldn’t make it and I would still come and put in the work and the book helped to keep me on track and do anything I forgot was part of the routine. Sometimes we’d try new things but most of the workouts are basic simple weight lifting. Old methods because my trainer is a simple pick things up and put them down kinda guy but hey, it’s worked so far.  The proof is in my results.

I ate the same foods over and over, switching some things up and adding new meals as they got approved along the way, but mostly it was the same thing over and over. Same with the workouts. We did arms one day, chest and shoulders one day, legs one day, and back one day. Abs every other day after each workout. And I usually tried to get in 30-60 minutes of cardio afterwards, time permitting. My time at the gym grew longer and I became more dedicated. But the consistency paid off in the end. At the end of April before my Paris trip, I was 110 lbs! Over the summer, I took a bit of a break. I still worked out but not as vigorously. I cut out the cardio after my gym sessions.  In the fall, I picked it back up to lose my summer weight and lose another 5 lbs on top of that to try and get down to 105 lbs. And I did! It felt so amazing. But the second time around, felt harder than the first time trying to lose the weight.

After my birthday, I eased up and decided to maintain again for the holiday season to give myself a break for working so hard so quick. I gained the 5 lbs I lost back, hahaha. And here I am, ramping it up again to try and get back to 105 lbs before my half marathon in 7 weeks. I have faith I can do it as long as I buckle down and stick to the diet. The diet is the hardest part. Despite all of 2018, my body still yearns for the huge portions my old body used to eat. I’m still hungry even after I eat because I am just ridiculous. And I eat pretty often. But I try to drink more water to help fight the hunger monster.

I also cut out cardio after my birthday due to my knee pain that I had developed in early October during my training for the half marathon. I tried to lay off it for a month but in November when I tried to run again, it had worsened. I went to a Sports Physical Therapist to get it checked out and learned I needed to work on activating my hip muscles to relieve the pressure on my knee. I went to 10 sessions so far and got back to running last week finally to start training for the race. I don’t really know if the PT helped at all honestly, but I can say that my running has gotten better in terms of no pain arising in my knee during my run. I’m taking it slow and training a few miles at a time and working on a slower pace as well as utilizing the run-walk method when I feel a little winded. I read that I might have injured myself by training too hard at the rate I was going last fall. I ramped it up too fast too quick and was running more often than I should’ve when I should’ve allowed more rest days in between runs. Hopefully I can get it right this time to build my endurance better so the pain doesn’t develop again and I can successfully complete the half marathon. I’ll be so embarrassed if I can’t.

Oh yeah, since starting the PT sessions, my schedules haven’t aligned anymore with my trainer so I haven’t seen him in almost two months after nearly a year of working out together. I miss him but I don’t miss having to wake up every morning to be at the gym at 8am. Regardless of how many mornings I had to wake up early - and was still late anyway - I am still not a morning person. That will unfortunately never become habit, I’m afraid. I do go to bed earlier than I used to but I’ll still marinate a little longer in bed when given the option. Some things will never change.

BUT! I do have some things to say regarding my trainer. I’m comfortable working out on my own now because of him. I feel more confident in knowing what I’m doing and no longer worried about how I look or if anyone’s watching since my results will always speak for themselves. You can look around and see the people who have results and the people who don’t, no matter how often you see them in the gym. Again, it speaks for itself.

I’ll be honest, because he was just another member at the gym, he never charged me anything for helping me all year. He simply wanted to help someone meet their goals and I was his project for the year. I’m really grateful for his help because it’s really hard to find people like that.

So when it comes to personal trainers, I do recommend them. I didn’t pay for mine but I know they can get expensive and it’s hard to find a good one that actually wants to help you achieve your goals and GET YOU THERE as opposed to someone who just wants a paycheck and will show you some exercises and just go home after. Mine was available to me all day everyday to answer my diet and nutrition questions and keep me on track. He helped keep me accountable. Even though I didn’t pay for his services, if I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I definitely would. I had already started with a new gym membership  that I was determined to put to use, so paying for a personal training would unfortunately be another big expense, but in the long run, it’s an investment that I would say was definitely worth it. I was scared that my trainer would push me too hard but I learned two things regarding this when I finally dove headfirst into this and gave it a chance; I learned that I needed that push - I needed someone to push me harder than I would push myself. Working out by myself I wouldn’t have tried certain things or lifted heavier than he had me lift. I would’ve stopped at a lighter weight, given up at smaller reps. But he kept pushing me and rooting me on to do one more every time and would add on more weights to see if I could improve my personal best each time. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn’t, but I always tried again. Each week we progressed more and more until “I tried” became “I did it!” The second thing I learned was that regardless of how hard I thought he was going to push me, he actually never pushed me harder than I could physically go. He was able to gauge what those limits were and safely scale back if it looked to be too much. And if I wanted to end sooner out of sheer laziness, he wouldn’t let me either. He could tell if there was still more to beat up and kept me working to my potential. I hated it in the moment but looking back, this is what made him such an effective trainer for me. Even now, working out on my own, I still have those habits and force myself to keep going and complete the whole session.

The results will always speak for themselves if you put in the work, the dedication, patience and consistency.

As I look through old photos of myself last year throughout the months it’s funny because I remember being so proud as the pounds started shedding. I’m actually embarasssed of some of the photos now because I was still chubby in some photos where I was feeling myself but it just goes to show the progress. It shows the transformation as I shed the fat and turned it into muscle. My 110 lbs in May looks different from my 110 today too. I was 110 lbs in May before leaving for Paris but my stomach was nowhere as toned as it is now. I know I’m still focused on the scale because I have issues, but I do see the difference in the mirror as well. Small changes are small but it’s still progress no matter how small and can still make a difference when comparing photos, especially over time.

I’m also glad this time around I didn’t “give up” after reaching my goals but kept going. I kept saying to myself, “I didn’t come this far to only come this far.” And I kept consistently loving how I looked and progressed so I said to myself, if this is how I look in 6 months, can I imagine how I’ll look in another 6 months? So I used that as motivation to keep going. And it really helped. A year later here I am. Despite trying to lose 5 lbs again before the race, I’m not mad at how I look right now. Actually, I’m really happy about it. And I can’t wait for this summer to get here and look even better as I keep working on my body some more. There’s always room for improvement. I got into the mentality that you get one body and you have your whole life to work on it, perfect it, sculpt it to whatever you want. It’s your job to keep it looking good, running good, in tip top shape. Or to let it sit and waste away. Your choice. Besides, YOURSELF is the best thing you can invest in. Why would you bet against yourself?

A song came on while at the gym today that I thought was rather funny. I said goodbye to my old beginning of 2018 body because I swear, we are totally never ever ever, getting back together. Thank U, next, bitches.

Motivation

Self-motivation and self-discipline are really hard things to learn to get into the habit of. And getting comfortable is a very dangerous place to be. But I have to remind myself from time to time that my getting too comfortable is how I got to where I was a year ago.

These pictures are really embarassing to share, but last year I looked like this.

I’m not really sure why I allowed myself to get to that point but it wasn’t an overnight thing. It was piles and piles of bad habits, excuses, conveniency and just poor choices. I didn’t want to make the commitment, I didn’t want to face the music. I wanted to tell myself that what I was doing to myself was fine and that I was normal and there was nothing wrong with my eating habits and that my intermittent exercise habits were enough. But it wasn’t. And I was really tired of watching myself spiral out of control.

I made a commitment last year in November to finally join a gym again. Planet Fitness was the closest thing to my house and the cheapest. I had asked some of my athlete friends about it because I know of the reputation PF has for not being a “real gym” but even they said it’s stupid. Gym snobs are just that. Gym snobs. If you can’t do work with basic equipment, what is a “real gym” going to do for you? As long as you put in the work, who cares where you go? People can still get real results with just working out at home. Unfortunately for me, working out at home was no longer cutting it. I felt like I needed a change of scenery and less distraction. Like people who can’t study at home and go to the library instead to concentrate. At home, I get distracted and want to take breaks and do other things and go on my computer. But at the gym, I figured I’d have to concentrate, get through my workout and finish it since someone might be behind waiting for me to finish up so they can use the machine I’m on or the space I’m in. It pushes me to finish and be productive. Plus I do like being in an environment with people around me working out too. But at the same time, I hate taking classes. I work out better alone or one on one. I don’t like big group classes.

A year later, here I am. 25 lbs off and much, much happier with myself. It was definitely hard. But I think what’s even harder now is keeping it up to keep the weight off. It’s really easy to fall back into old habits and old ways because you feel comfortable. I find myself doing this with my rubberbanding weight. I’ll step on the scale, see a number and be like “Not bad. I can eat today!” and then I’ll make some bad choices because I don’t feel the need to eat clean or be conscious of my portions. A week later I’ll step on the scale and see the consequences of being too comfortable and dial back. I’ll work it off in a week just to feel comfortable again and the cycle repeats. So what do you do to keep up the motivation and discipline?

  1. Don’t follow fad diets. What they say is true. If you give up something, you’ll just gain it right back when you’re done. This is exactly how I rubberband and gain weight so easily in a week. It’s water weight because my body is going crazy from a sudden increase in sugar and salt content. It’s also ridiculous how much sugar and salt is in processed foods compared to clean foods. Which leads to my next point.

  2. Eat as clean as possible. What does “clean” mean? Whole, unprocessed or as little processed foods as possible. Like fruits and vegetables, lean meat, nothing that has to be refined or transformed into something else. Like cookies, instant noodles, pasta, cereal. Basically, “artificial foods.”

  3. Moderation is key. I don’t avoid the “bad foods” entirely. I still eat my favorite ice cream or have some pasta every now and then. But I consider these “treat foods.” I save them for cheat days as a treat to myself for being good. If you cut them out completely, the rubberbanding gets worse. If you have them every now and then, it won’t affect you. You don’t get fat overnight just like you don’t lose weight overnight.

  4. Don’t be so hard on yourself. But don’t be so easy on yourself either. If you skip the gym for a few days, it’s alright to be upset with yourself but make sure you get up, and get right back on the horse. Don’t let the days add up. Same thing with eating. Get right back on. Don’t keep making excuses after excuses - like oh, I already ate bad today, what’s another day? Another day is another day away from those goals. Don’t let it spiral out of control like that. I’ll admit though since I have no goals right now, I give myself more rest days than I did when I was working out basically every day. But when I’m in goal mode, I wouldn’t give myself a day off because I said to myself, do your goals take a day off? No, so why would you? Get up and go! A day away from your goals set you back a day further, and I was determined to power through to the finish line.

  5. Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s hard to not look at other people and compare yourself. You’re only human and it’s in our nature. But remember that that doesn’t do yourself any good. I learned to start comparing myself to my previous selves to track progress. Besides, I wasn’t working on myself to make other people happy nor was I looking for their validation. I wanted to make myself happy and I needed my own validation.

  6. Don’t be afraid to try new things. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Before I started this journey, I did not know how to deadlift, squat with weights, or basically do any lifting. I was scared. I was scared to look stupid, to be doing it wrong or that I would end up looking too “big.” I learned to ask for help when I wanted to try something new. I would ask another member or my trainer to show me how to do something. And most people are really nice about it. They’re flattered if you ask because it makes them feel good about themselves that you chose them to be your go-to. And then those people end up saying hi to you every so often and noticing your progress too. And it feels good when someone else can notice your hard work paying off, even if it’s in baby steps. I also learned that lifting weights is a game changer for my weight loss. It helps a lot more than cardio did, to burn the fat off. And with it, it helped tone my body more to the shape I want, than I ever was able to do with cardio alone. I ended up realizing I do enjoy lifting weights and that it’s a much more interesting and fun exercise than cardio which I used to think was the key to losing weight.

  7. Little changes are still changes! Remember to celebrate every piece of hard work you earn along the way. Be proud of that definition and fitting back into old clothes. Be proud of the numbers on the scales going down and those inches slowly melting off.

  8. It also helps to go to the gym with someone. You don’t have to, but I found that having a gym buddy helped to hold me accountable. My trainer over time transitioned to my gym buddy once I started to get the hang of everything and started getting into the routine for each leg, arm, back, chest, stomach and shoulder workout day we did. It became second nature and I no longer had to log all my workouts in a book anymore because it was just in my head like second nature. Which brings me to another helpful tip.

  9. Starting out, I kept a fitness journal. I would write on one side everything I ate to keep track of my portions and how much protein/carbs/fat I ate. I didn’t go crazy and worry about calories and numbers because it was just too much work and headache. It was simply more of a guideline so I would be more conscious to not overdo it. On the other side, I’d write down my exercises, how many reps, how much weight, what body part we worked out that day, and if we did cardio, how long for, the distance and estimated calories burned. It helped not only gauge my workouts, but keep track so I would cycle through all the different body parts to work out day by day, and not do something twice in a row or forget/neglect one particular muscle group. Towards the later end of workouts, I ditched the journal when I felt comfortable with not having to constantly track myself anymore. I trusted myself to hold myself accountable without having to write it all down. I still track my cardio on my phone though to help train for my half marathon.

  10. Set goals and make sure to celebrate little victories on the way. Don’t accept failure or even recognize failure. There’s really no such thing as failure on your journey. It’s all just setbacks. You just have to focus and want it bad enough and power through. I work a lot harder when I have goals in mind than when I’m in maintaining mode. I know people say don’t worry about the number on the scale but for me, it’s a helpful indicator for tracking my personal progress and honestly it helps. Which is another point - do what works for you. And if it doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to try something else. Every one is different so what works for me, may not necessarily work for you. You may enjoy cardio more than I do. You might prefer yoga or lower intensity workouts. Do you. Just make sure it’s working and you stay on track. I take a lot of pictures as well, but modeling and selfies on my phone. And they’re all very helpful to track my progress.

And speaking of photos, here’s looking back on some of my favorite shots I got this year ever since my body started changing and the results finally came shining through, slow by slow, I started loving my photos again. It feels good to feel good in your own skin again. I feel like me. It’s probably not a big difference to some people to the photos up top but to me, those changes are huge. Even looking back at my “skinny” pics back in college, I see a big difference in tone and definition. I love how much leaner I look and in turn I look taller even though I’m still 5’2”. That chubby weight really did make me look wide and short. Personally for me, the “thicc” look does not look good nor is it flattering on my frame.

Again like I said before, the trick is to maintain. Working towards a goal is a lot harder than maintaining due to that dangerous comfortability zone and rubberbanding. And what makes it even harder is probably all the good food around the holiday seasons and the cold weather so you feel even more comfortable bulking up to keep warm. Plus who really sees your summer body in the winter?

BUT! This is where you need to make the most of your self motivation and self discipline. Don’t “take a break” simply because it’s the holidays. Remember, these are supposed to be sustainable lifestyle changes. Don’t slack off just because of the season. Keep on the grind and come summer, you won’t have to work as hard to get that summer bod back.

Currently, I’m still maintaining my gym routine throughout the week. The only difference is I’m focusing more on cardio to train for my race in February, albeit in small increments. I still do an hour of lifting every morning and I try to rotate between the elliptical and the bike afterwards(until my physical therapy sessions progresses me back to running). I also cut down from 6-7 days a week to 5-6 days. I also try to eat clean on those same days. I cut back on my eggs but I still try to get my protein in through greek yogurt, protein bars, roast chicken, broccoli, tuna fish, ground turkey, meatballs and grilled chicken salads. On my days off, spent with friends and family I cheat. I give myself more leeway during the holidays now than I did during the year but after working all year, I think I deserve it. Especially since I have the tools to fix it if I happen to indulge too much. I lay off for a few extra days to dial back. I’m happy with where I am though so I’m not going to go too hard on myself for the holidays.

If you guys are having trouble reaching your goals or staying on track, remember I’m a message away if you need some help or motivation! I hope some of my above tips helped.

Remember you’re stronger than you know and anything is possible as long as you want it bad enough and are willing to put in the work. I’m a firm believer of it. I’ve worked hard my whole life at my personal goals and have yet to really fail at anything when I want something bad enough. And I’m not talking about just weight loss. I’m talking about college, being a homeowner, planning a wedding, etc. Everything I’ve ever wanted, I’ve made happen through hard work and perseverance and not taking no for an answer. I’m not going to lie, there will be a lot of obstacles and days where you don’t want to get out of bed. But just remember you’re only screwing yourself over by not putting in the work. You waste your own time. And if you wouldn’t tolerate others wasting your time, why would you allow yourself? Don’t. Put in the time and the work. Let me see that sweat.

Right Where You're Supposed To Be

It's funny how life is sometimes. We all have our good days and our bad days. I learned that without balance, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. You have to drown a little to learn how to swim. It all also depends on how you want to look at life. You can find sunshine in the rain only if you want to look for it. If you want to be depressed, you will be.

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Shrinkle posted for her birthday earlier this year that two people can have the exact same things and one person could be miserable and complain about it while the other person is excited and so grateful to have it. It's so true about one person's trash being another person's treasure. It's all about perspective. And it's also so true about what people don't realize they have until it's taken away. Sometimes I wish some of my friends and family knew this. I want them to be just as happy as I am, if not more. But you can't tell people to be happy, they have to figure it out for themselves on how to be. I wish they knew that sometimes what you're looking for is right in front of you all along. You don't need material things, status, bragging rights, or being able to keep up with the Joneses to be happy. Rich is the man who has love in his life. As long as you have good company and good health, that's all that really matters. This is why they write songs like Lucky. The girl who has it all but still feels empty. You could have the world at your feet but if you had no one to share it with, what is the point? We are all human. We crave love and connection, even if we don't want to admit it.

I don't choose to chase wild dreams that aren't mine. And I don't believe I've "settled" either. I think I've just simply found where my happiness lies and it's pretty simple. My trainer keeps trying to think of get rich quick schemes to help me gain more money in my life and truth be told, I'm too lazy to put in the effort, lol. But it's not just that. Yes, life would be great if I had more money. I mean, I'd be able to pay off my bills, my house, my student loans and have more of the things I want without a care in the world. But where would I be without the struggle? I'm not saying I like to struggle, but the journey there helps you to appreciate the work you put in. When you're given something, you take it for granted and you don't appreciate it as much. I'm doing this all on my own and I'm honestly proud of that. I can't believe I'm still alive right now as I work to carry the weight of two people on my shoulders financially.
At the same time, I'm not in a rush for anything, I realized. Yes, it'd be great to have my house and student loans paid off and extra income in the bank, but extra money is just extra money. It's not like I'm totally unhappy where I'm at. I'm struggling from time to time, but I still set aside a little for fun and I'm still trying to live and experience life when money and time allows. Maybe I'd be able to afford having a kid and speed up the family part a bit with extra money but I'm still enjoying the journey right now regardless of that boost. I have the rest of my life for that and there's no rush for anything. I have a lot of what I wanted done in my life already done anyway. At this point, I just want to live for me and be happy. And that's what I'm doing.

And vacationing all the time isn't me either. I get cabin fever when I'm at home with no plans but I wouldn't like to be jet setting all over the place that often either. This is where balance comes in. I actually do enjoy working. I feel like a person who needs that work/play balance. I also find it easier to stick to my workout/diet schedule on days I work compared to days I have off. On days I have off, I find it harder to comply for some reason. The structure helps. And vacations wouldn't feel like a vacation if you did it all the time. I would probably gets stressed trying to plan out so many all the time too. Even one is a lot of work. I mean, I finally got it done, but I procrastinated and took my time putting a week together just for Paris. And then all summer I’ve been putting Disney together, piece by piece, rearranging so much around to fit my desired itinerary and bucket list.

The point is, I do feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be in life. And looking back, even when I didn't feel like I was, I really was. I had to go through all my hardships for a reason. If I didn't, would I have come out as strong as I did? You appreciate the light after being in the dark for so long.

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I struggled with my own weight for a reason. I was being taught to not take for granted what I had growing up. I thought I had it easy, that I did not have to worry about my health, that I could eat whatever I wanted without consequence. Now I know that regardless of skinny or fat, it's simply not true. You have one body and you have to take care of it. I learned that exercise is extremely important and staying active, even if I don't like sports and that there are other ways to do so other than playing sports. I learned that what you put in your body is important. Of course, comfort foods are important too for your mental health and sanity, but you have to find that balance and learn to discipline yourself to keep that balance between healthy and indulgence.

Minor segue with my weight loss update:
I’m back on my weight loss journey to lose another 5 lbs and I forgot how ridiculous of a waiting game it is. It’s only been 18 days so I shouldn’t expect a lot of results but for the first week I struggled to lose the rubberbanding weight I had all summer. I finally just got down to 110 last week and have been able to maintain it so I’m finally feeling motivated. It took a bit to get adjusted back to smaller portions and eating healthy 100% of the time since I haven’t cheated since Sept 1. I was sooooo hungry for the first few weeks, it drove me insane but I fought through it. I have to remind myself that this journey is not a quick and easy one, otherwise everyone would do it. I have remember that it took me about 5 months to fully lose the 20 lbs so I should really relax and not be so impatient with these last 5 lbs I want to lose. Although getting back to my college days weight would be absolutely amazing before I leave for vacation! But anyways, I do feel amazing right now, now that I’ve finally started to see results come through and trickle back down to 110. I just have to be patient for the next 5 weeks and stay focused.
I also started training for my half marathon slowly. I’m running outside to try and build endurance and stamina so I can actually finish the half marathon when I have to cross that bridge. It took about 2 weeks but I was able to slowly train myself to finish 8km in an hour again. I’m not trying to finish by a certain time, but I do want to be able to keep up, be able to run at a steady pace without having to take too many breaks or slow down too much and finish the race.

I’m really proud of these results, as slow as they may be. If you’re out there struggling with your diet and fitness goals, remember, consistency is key. Make sure you’re challenging yourself, hold yourself accountable and push though. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

I also learned from this journey that in order to be a happier me, I simply just need to choose to be a happier me. It goes back to the perspective thing. When I’m doing really good with my gym and diet, I’ll have a really awesome week, simply from the high off of my successes of my weight loss. Nothing could bring me down. My work week wasn't any worse or better than any other work week. The difference was that I chose to not let anything get to me. I let the good outweigh the bad. And that's what I want to learn to do more of in my life. Like how you could receive 100 compliments but just one mean comment can bring you down? I want to be able to be that person that drowns that out. The good thing is, in that situation I'll always win. I rarely care about what people say or think of me regardless, lol. I care more about my own opinion and what I think of myself over what others think of me because vain as fuck.
But the point is, I want to start living my life more like nothing can bring me down. I want to be able to channel my happiness and control better what upsets me and not let it affect me at all.