Mười Năm

November 9, 2024

This Halloween was our 10 year wedding anniversary. It’s crazy to think it’s been 10 years now since our wedding.

When I originally planned our wedding, it wasn’t really a thought in my mind to incorporate a tea ceremony, or any Vietnamese traditions to be honest. It was an added expense and I was already trying to cut costs where I could to keep the main parts I wanted. I had a very stereotypical modern American wedding and that was expensive enough. My parents also didn’t pressure or even mention that they wanted any Vietnamese aspects included. They were mostly hands-off on the details with the exception of the guest list. I had to fight my mom a lot on that since she wanted to invite the entire neighborhood and all of Vietnam and all their children. I was trying to keep it to people I directly knew and would actually keep in touch with post wedding but allotted both my and his parents some room for invites for their own family/friends. The problem is his family is Irish/Italian which means big families, and my family is Vietnamese meaning they’re absolutely obnoxious as interpreting weddings like house parties where you can bring anyone and everyone. In the end, the wedding was relatively small compared to the grandeur of American weddings but still bigger than a small intimate affair.

In retrospect, I still absolutely love everything about my wedding, but wished I had pushed to do a much smaller affair. And simultaneously, given how much fighting was had between my mom and I, I know it would’ve been a much more arduous fight that I wouldn’t have the energy for.

In 2018, we vacationed in Paris for a week and took the opportunity to do a shoot in front of the Eiffel Tower in our wedding attire. It made me realize this was actually more what I wanted. I just wanted gorgeous photos of us in the most romantic place in the world and all we really needed was each other. If I had to do it over, elopement I would say, is the more romantic and cost-effective route. Although at the same time, I still would want my closest friends and family there. So I don’t regret anything about my wedding because I’m glad all my favorite people were there to celebrate the day with us, and many of them I truly still keep in touch with to this day. I would have liked to have had a destination wedding, but that’s also a big commitment to expect your closest friends and family to fly out and spend that kind of money to attend your wedding. So I guess looking back, it worked out. I had my big wedding with all my family and friends, and still was able to have my dreamy intimate photoshoot in Paris.

This got me thinking a few years ago when I saw other Vietnamese ceremony photos on the Facebook group Subtle Asian Traits where Asians from all over the globe share their lives and stories. It made me regret not having a tea ceremony a little. But then I realized it wasn’t that I really wanted the tea ceremony because I remember why I chose not to do it. I didn’t want to wake up any earlier than I already had to, to get ready the day of. I didn’t want to spend more money on more wedding outfits, an entire morning ceremony because it does cost a lot with all the different gifts and the food involved. What I really wanted, like Paris, was photos of us in traditional Vietnamese outfits. So I thought what if we just did a photoshoot? It was perfect. I got in contact with my wedding photographer whom I’ve become good friends with and stayed in touch with the past decade as well. I still absolutely love my wedding photos from him to this day because he has the extraordinary magic touch to make us look good in every single photo somehow. Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of the photographers I’ve shot with over the years, but there are a small few who have the magical ability to create photographic alchemy. With Steven, I rarely have photos I want to skip or delete. He somehow knows all my angles, the perfect lighting no matter what time of day or conditions we have to shoot in, the perfect touch, how to capture the little details, everything. So it only made sense since he was there from the very beginning at our first couples’ shoot together; our engagement shoot. It was from that shoot alone that I knew he was a wizard. I remember receiving my photos and going crazy about them and immediately using them for our save the dates and our wedding invitations.

I reached out to Steven last year about this little project and he was totally down to help set this into motion. Then I got lucky earlier this year when my mom decided to go to Vietnam for Lunar New Year. I asked her to have the custom outfits made for us and she was able to commission them in time and gifted them to us upon her return. She even had a little hat made for Banh Mi, which probably was the oddest request for the little shop she used, lol. And then this summer, I was able to find the perfect location and secured a permit to shoot this project, at the New York Chinese Scholar’s Garden at the Snug Harbor Cultural Center and Botanical Garden in Staten Island.

The unfortunate thing was, the day of the shoot, somehow we hit an insane amount of traffic trying to get there, which forced our already small window of time to shoot at the garden to be even more limited. We were supposed to have 2 hours, but unfortunately we ended up only having 15 minutes left before the garden was to close. Luckily, between the really nice staff there allowing us an extra 15 minutes, and this not being our first rodeo (we’ve done so many couple shoots over the years now and have nailed down our go to couple poses and luckily my husband is a natural at this lol), and Steven having an extremely amazing eye for the shot and talent, we were able to work quickly and kill the shoot. I finally received the photos back last month and was trying so hard not to post them right away because they were meant to be posted our on our wedding anniversary. It was really hard holding these back because they came out so phenomenal. I’m so happy we were able to execute this project and I’ll treasure these for years to come. Who knows what we’ll pull off for the next milestone anniversary? 😉

If you’re looking for amazing engagement, wedding, or any couples photography, Steven of Sage Studios Photography is your guy. I wish he lived closer to me because I would work with him all the time if I could, but maybe it’s good because my husband would probably cry if I made him do all these shoots more often than we already do, lol. But I’m thankful I’m married to a good sport who believes in happy wife, happy life and entertains all the silly ideas and shoots I always want to do. I got lucky and he entertained me with not one, but TWO shoots this year and I can’t wait to share those photos soon too since that was also another shoot I’ve been excited to do for a while.

10 Year Engagement Anniversary

August 16, 2022

This August 16 marks 10 years since our engagement. I remember this because two very big things happened that day for me.

We were at the beach when my then-boyfriend, now-hubby proposed. We were building sand castles and I was going back and forth getting water for the sand when he told me to come around and sit near him. Me, being the bitch that I am, got annoyed and almost started a fight because hello?! Do you not see I’m doing work here?! Then I walked around and saw this boy had placed a ring box inside one of the sand castles. I was annoyed because I was annoyed, lol. How are you supposed to save face and be happy now when the boy was trying to do something adorable.

And because we were on the beach, we had no service. It wasn’t until we left that I could call all my friends and family and tell them the news and post it on the interwebs. When I finally got service, one of my notifications was from a college friend informing me that my NYS pharmacy license had finally went through on the state website. And then within minutes, like clockwork, the red devil CVS called me and assigned me my first shift. It was crazy. I felt torn. On one hand, I was like finally after all the studying and time spent locked away from the world, this was finally done. But on the other hand, I was absolutely terrified because it meant this was it, I really had to grow up and this was the next step in adulting into a real career. It felt surreal. I was engaged and a fully licensed health care professional in the same day.

10 years later, I honestly still have no idea what I’m doing sometimes. I still feel like I have imposter syndrome in my field. Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing and other times I feel like I’m way more competent than a lot of my colleagues and I wonder how these people were allowed in this field considering we’re handling people’s very lives. It’s not something to play with and there’s no room for error. But here we are. Sometimes it’s crazy to see how far I’ve come. Especially escaping retail and breaking into hospital since I was really apprehensive for the longest time to make the transition, thinking I could never pick it up. I don’t know why, I just felt really intimidated by learning hospital drugs. Now I realize my fears were unfounded, as everything was fairly easy to pick up and learn. But at the same time, to this day, I’m always still learning since this is a field that relies on continuing education to keep up to date and medicine and guidelines are always changing. The one good thing I learned after all these years is despite my parents forcing me to give up my dreams of fashion and go into something medical, I actually do enjoy it and I am good at it. So that’s something. Part of me worried about being stuck in a job I hated but I also learned that it’s also your work environment and the dynamics of your work team that can make or break whether or not you like your job. I’ve been fortunate in this aspect that I have a good rapport with my coworkers.

And also 10 years later, so much has changed in my relationship since marriage and beyond, and yet so much has stayed the same. We took it back to where it began and spent it at the beach, around the same time the moment happened. Except this time, we have a new addition. While my mother is probably pissed that I still refuse to pop out a child, we have recently fell in love with Banh Mi and we love taking him to one of my favorite summer spots to relax. It was a very lowkey chill day and it helps to remind me that I don’t always need to be doing a million things on my itinerary or be productive all the time. Sometimes it’s nice to just take it slow, enjoy things and take in the moment. And that’s a big part of my relationship over the past 22 years altogether. No matter what we’re doing together, whether it be a full packed itinerary day at Disney, on vacation in Japan or Paris, or a staycation chill at home day, the bigger picture is to just enjoy each other’s company. It’s nothing if it isn’t just with the person you love. It makes all the difference.

Speaking of vacations, our next adventure is also finally officially booked for the fall! I’m excited to be heading back to the West Coast again. There’s something about Cali that’s always calling my name. I always say, I think I was meant to be a California girl. I’m in the stages of finalizing my itinerary and planning outfits. I’m also really stoked to share my Halloween costume finally! I received it back in May and I’ve been dying keeping it secret this whole time. I’m also trying to work on cute couple outfits for Disney but I have too many ideas and I need to narrow it down and get stuff soon. I’m also excited to finally see the Disneyland castle again after my last time in 2019 with it being covered up. I can’t wait to see everything in all it’s glory and experience the Oogie Boogie Bash for the first time. I can’t wait to be there in 60 days. Summer feels like it’s going by so quick and before you know it, it’ll be here!

Selfish

May 12, 2022

Hello from Bermuda!

Just kidding! We got back from our cruise earlier this week. We had a fantastic time and I'm working on a blog about our experience but in the meantime, I wanted to share something about my trip in its own post.

One of the things I really enjoyed about this past trip with my husband is the alone time we had with each other. And I’m not just talking about the sex. We don’t get a lot of time to spend together, like I’ve been saying lately due to opposite work/life schedules, and this trip was purposely all about us spending more time together, no interruptions of any outside factors distracting us, no trying to savor every last minute before work or whatever of every small window of free time that we overlap with each other. It was 100% undivided, uninterrupted time with each other. We weren’t on our phones scrolling mindlessly through anything either (especially since he decided to inadvertently donate it to the Bermudian waters, lol), which I really love about vacations that force us to unplug because no cell service. We weren’t worried about work. We weren’t paying attention to the news. We weren’t preoccupied with other crises going on elsewhere. I tend to worry a lot, as my husband observed of me, and a lot of times things that are not in my control. I worry about everyone in my life, whether or not I can help them. I worry about a lot of things, whether or not it affects me directly. Sometimes I hate being an empath. It makes it hard for me sometimes to relax and just enjoy things without feeling guilty. I also need to stop worrying about my “productiveness” and just enjoy rest days and relaxation time. I limited my workout times to maximize our us time to spend with each other. On a boat with limited access to the rest of the world, we were just able to be us and focus on us and nothing else mattered. And it was really quite nice, as selfish as it sounds.

I said it earlier this year too how one of my goals was to take a trip just the two of us again and this trip was absolutely perfect for us to further intensify our connection and work on strengthening our relationship.

We got the opportunity to sit down and talk about a lot of things, share a lot of things and really catch up in each other’s lives, get into each other’s heads about our goals and where we want to see our lives going, and make sure we’re on the same page when it came to us. I love that. I love that I was able to express myself and tell him what I wanted and see eye to eye on the things I was worried about. He was able to open up and share with me the things he wanted me to work on. Neither of us are perfect and we’re always still learning to understand and speak in each other's love languages. I love that we were able to have that line of communication. It's a truly sexy thing when you have that connection with someone you love, especially someone you're absolutely crazy about. It's such a turn on for me when I feel seen and understood by someone I love and that they are really listening and paying attention to me.

One of the conversations we had was about how we both are still on the same page when it comes to kids. One of my personal lessons I've learned in my life experiences growing up is that all families look different. They don't have to be biological and they don't have to look like another person's tribe. You don't need to have children to “start” or “have a family.” Your family does not need to be a biologically built one to be an actual family. You can be born into one yes, but you can also choose who you want to call your family if your biological one is toxic or simply not meeting your emotional needs for love and growth. I am fortunate enough to have a lot of people in my life both friends and my own family members that I feel I already have a family without need of adding a little one to the mix. And even just the two of us together, as cheesy as it sounds out loud, is that not a family? When I got married in 2014, I said maybe in 5 years. And then I kept pushing it off because I didn't feel ready. I still don't feel ready, and now it's been 8 years and yet I still don't have that motherly urge my peers seem to have and rejoice in being a mother. I don't envy any of my friends and family who have started their families. Is that weird? When I see them post their photos celebrating milestones and memories, I feel happiness for them, but I don't feel longing for that life. But I wonder sometimes if it makes me odd for not wanting that. Is there something wrong with me? And at the same time, I feel perfectly fine with where my life is at the moment. I always think that's great for them if that's what they want, but it's not what I want. (And then my mother likes to come along and remind me where is her grandkid, lol.) But seriously speaking, I’m at absolute peace with where we’re at currently and really enjoy our life and my marriage.

It’s funny because right before I was about to write this post, @grlwithbangs shared a brutally honest post too about why her and her husband don’t want kids yet as well. A lot of their reasons resonated with me and this past Sunday, driving on the way home from the cruise, I had mentioned to him too that the cruise made me realize I have two very strong conflicting emotions in me, which he said he absolutely understood and it made me feel so good because like I said, it’s just an amazing feeling sometimes when you feel seen.

What I said was that spending time with him this past week intensified two things. The first is that I do truly love my husband so much that he's the only one I would want to have children with. (It's not that I don’t. There are many reasons behind why we haven't yet and they go beyond that.)The second is that I also love him so much that I don’t want to have children because I don’t want to lose this time I get to spend with just him. I really don’t. I cherish all these special moments we have with just each other. These two conflicting feelings live within me, and at the present moment, the second one outweighs the first.

I watched the few families on the boat and they intensified how much I would love to see my husband as the cutest and sweetest father ever to our child because he’s just so darn sweet and cute with kids. I think he would make an amazing father. I really do. I have no doubt that we would rock the parenting thing, even with its trials and tribulations. But at the same time watching these families, I didn’t envy the parents but rather appreciated how I wasn’t one. We were able to have the room all to ourselves, our own privacy without worrying about the health, hunger, safety of a child and making sure they were entertained/content. We could choose to do any activity we wanted; meal times, shows, movies, excursions, go kart racing, mini golfing, etc. without having to worry about the logistics of a child being included. Whether we had all the things we needed in a diaper/child’s bag, leaving extra time to get ready and leave because children schedules can take longer, temper tantrums, whether or not they’ll enjoy the activity, have enough to eat, etc. We could take as many late night walks as we wanted, stay up all night watching movies, pig out and do dumb shit, sleep whenever we wanted. We only had ourselves to worry about and as selfish as it is, it’s a wonderful thing.

To quote @grlwithbangs’ post, these were her reasons;

We’re enjoying life together & extremely happy as is!
We have tons of goals…that we want to accomplish - not that having a baby won’t stop us from accomplishing those goals, we want all of our attention/focus on growing.
Totally selfish right now and that’s OKAY! Putting ourselves first, spoiling each other, our relationship is stronger than ever…
Pregnancy can take a serious physical toll on my body. Not being negative or putting bad juju out there - I’ve just been told by numerous drs & I am not ready to put my body in this situation.
…we rarely see each other IRL due to our careers…
Children don’t fit into every lifestyle & we love ours rn.
We love sleep & our sex life lol.. Even though we already don’t sleep much.
We actually don’t really need a reason at all. After all, our personal choice as to what we want to do with our bodies are just that, personal.

The last reason was actually perfect. In a world of traditional timelines, unrealistic expectations and societal pressures, we need to break out of asking people when they're going to get married, when they're going to have kids, when they're going to ABC. As if not reaching these milestones make someone less valued. It's ridiculous. If something is not your journey, why should others impress that upon you when they are NOT the ones living your life? It's because people are nosy and ultimately unhappy with their own lives so they seek dictating someone else’s for their entertainment. It's usually compensation for what they lack. Misery loves company. They don't like to see others doing better than them, especially on a different, unique path. In my experience, these people seriously need therapy. Fortunately, I don't care about what's going on in these people's lives as much as they care about ours.

I absolutely love living my selfish life with my husband. I really do. I love every minute I get to spend with him just sitting staring into the sunset, getting ice cream, taking a million photos, watching dumb movies or even just sitting and talking or doing nothing.

Maybe that will change. Maybe one day, a year from now or another 5 years from now, that feeling will change. We’re also allowed to change our minds if we ever do decide a child may be for us. Or even something else. A different path. Who knows?

What I do know is that we are simply in a stage where we enjoy being with each other and I'm happy to be in love with someone as ridiculously obsessed with me as I am with him.💖

Here’s to many, many, more adventures with the cutest hubby ever.💖