Oh man. It's been almost 2 years now since my last in person races, RunDisney Princess weekend 2020. I read over my training results and reflection blogs from the past two times I trained and man it’s been quite a ride. A lot has changed. And a lot has not.

In the past two times I've trained for RunDisney races, I gave myself a hard time focusing on the number on the scale. I was 105-110 lbs for those races and I was beating myself up over it. Honestly I don't look that much different in the mirror except for my legs being bulkier because muscle gain and I focus more on legs when I lift. I think my body has plateaued and hit the point where muscle is gained more than fat can be lost. Or at least this is what I'm telling myself because I'll be depressed if I'm gaining fat again. But I also need to accept the fact that bodies do have to have fat. I mean, it's called essential fat for a reason. And I should shut up because my body fat percentage is actually at a very healthy level when I measured it, comparable to athletes, and my subcutaneous fat is very low. Oh yeah, in an effort to be less psycho, I bought a scale last January that breaks down the numbers better so I would be kinder to myself instead of focusing on a singular number and thinking I'm a failure. This is where I say a lot has changed and a lot has not. Now I know the breakdown of the numbers but it still fucks me up anyways.

Looking at the numbers from where I was at the beginning of the 2021 to now, not much has changed at all. I've maintained about the same weight and body composition for the most part so why am I still psychotic. One day I'll get over the one number that seems to still hold power over me and that’s the overall weight. I'm still trying to re-program that part of my brain. Although when I mentioned this the other day on my IG, Google Photos seemed to have heard me and sent me a comparison photo from 2016 to now. I don’t remember exactly how much I weighed in the 2016 pic but I want to guess around 120 since my heaviest was 130 in 2018, with my lightest being 110 in 2014 before my wedding because bridezilla stress. 2016 was in the middle. But between the two photos, there is definitely a difference in body composition despite the numbers being so close. I was 123 before the holiday eating this month and I’m 128 currently due to holiday eating bloating but I will have to say I still look much better at my 2021 128 lbs than my 2016 120 so why am I still in my head about this?! One day I'll get over the numbers and the demons that are body dysmorphia.

And here's the weird thing. Each time I train for a race, I focus on the number on the scale as if it means something but it has nothing to do with anything when it comes to marathon training. Why the hell am I just so obsessed with it?! I guess it’s my own psychological problem of always worrying about weight gain and getting fat regardless of training because the last time I didn't keep track of my weight it spiraled into me being at my heaviest because I kept making excuses and thinking ”this is fine” until it wasn't anymore. Now I'm scarred into being on top of it. Now I have to work on moving past this demons.

Anyways, let's get back to it. The main point is compared to the last two races, I'm definitely at a higher weight. It's soon to be two years since this pandemic started and while I did my best to stay active everyday and eat as well as I could, I had no clear-cut goals at one point and just allowed myself to be. I allowed myself to eat intuitively. I ate clean but didn’t restrict myself. If I wanted something like pizza or burgers, I just ate it, but I kept it in moderation. But try as I might, as my body changes and gets older, it's not immune to weight gain. I can see it in my family's genetics so honestly I should be proud that I'm doing the best I can. I make much healthier nutrition choices now than I did 4 years ago. 9 times out of 10, I choose the healthy option. I don't overindulge anymore, I don't eat a lot of sugary foods, I don't snack on junk food, and honestly I don't crave anything really unhealthy anymore. I still have ice cream, I’ll never give that up but I don't eat it as often as everyone thinks I do, lol. I really should applaud myself for really sticking to a high protein, low carb diet as my regular diet. I need to celebrate these wins that I've incorporated into my daily life, just like how working out and staying active is routine and regular for me now. It’s never a fight or something I want to actually decide not to do. Most of the time I'm fighting to figure out how I can keep it in my itinerary for the day if it's busy. It's already a given I’m going to work out. It's a non-negotiable with me. THESE are things I really should be proud of. For actually desiring to get up and go running when I wake up. For wanting that movement. For making better conscious choices today than I did years ago. This is where I honestly should be kinder to myself and give myself some grace because we would never talk to our friends the way we are so hard on ourselves. Maybe this blog post is more for me than anyone else. Every time I talk about weight and body image, It's a love letter reminding me to be nicer to myself.

As for actual race training, if you remember, I started out in June with a September marathon in mind because Disney was taking forever to disclose if they were going to hold their events again for the coming year. I was training aggressively starting at 13 miles and adding on a mile every week to my long run. I ended with a 17 mile run as my longest run beginning of July when they announced RunDisney was returning. I was growing extremely exhausted from the aggressive training schedule I was on for September's marathon goal, on top of the extremely hot temperatures we were having as summer raged on full force, making training and running outside very strenuous. I tried waking up earlier and earlier to get the runs in before it got too hot but it was never enough as the runs got longer. Having never actually signed up for the September race and committed to it, I abandoned the goal and signed up for Dopey. Honestly looking back, it sounds so stupid lol. Marathon training was getting too hard so what did I do? Sign up for a harder goal; 5k, 10k, half and a marathon back to back over 4 days. What kind of fucking logic is that?!

But I told myself if I changed gears to Dopey, my training schedule would be better because it wouldn't be as aggressive and cause me to burn out like I was already doing, and my long runs would be in the colder months instead of the heat of summer. It would give me more time to train both mentally and physically, and honestly I wanted my first marathon to be a Disney one, not some randomly dinky one I had no motivation or care for.

So I did. I signed up for Dopey when registration opened and switched my training to the Galloway plan which is RunDisney's official training plan for finishing without injury. And honestly it has made SUCH a difference. It's a longer, slightly less aggressive plan but it really does work. While I did have a LOT of doubtful moments in the 6 months I was training and pushing through, I eventually completed the training and honestly finally came out of it with the confidence that, yeah, actually hell yeah, I think I can actually do this. I'm not going to lie, it was definitely hard trying to schedule in training, because 6 months IS a long time to train and obviously life still goes on so I had to always make sure I scheduled or rescheduled that time in for training, i.e. make sure I got the long runs in before I go away on a vacation, trips or work asked me to rearrange my schedule to work extra shifts. Training truly tests you in every way, especially your dedication to something. But as hard as it got, I kept telling myself that I can do anything if I set my heart and mind to it and devote myself to it. I know this because as much as I am afraid of failing and as much as I procrastinate, I've always succeeded when it comes down to the wire and I really need to get something done. And when I have failed at something, it was never the ultimate end to something. It was just a setback and I had to go, “ok what did I learn from this? What can I do differently?,” before jumping back in and trying again til I produced the results I wanted.

Things I learned marathon training

Marathon training goes without saying that it is much harder and requires more time, dedication and commitment than any other races under this distance. When I trained for half marathons, they were still doable on a time crunch if you only had one month.

They also say marathon training and marathon distances is where all the weird shit happens lol. Literally shit. While luckily (knock on wood) it's never happened to me, I've read and heard numerous horror bathroom stories of shitting in the woods lol. I mean, you're out there running for so many hours especially if you're slow like my pace. Your bodily functions still happen. Luckily in the past, my body is more fight or flight, rest and digest type mode so while I run, nothing really happens since my body is like ok this is go time, shut it down. I just swaat everything out for the most part.

I did run into other issues though. I learned that beyond 13 miles I get chafing at the middle area of my bra band. I don't feel in in the moment but after a run, I commonly find a red mark there and it ends up hurting for the next days after and I have to put a bandaid on it and wait for it to heal. I looked it up and people that have had the same issue recommended switching to a longline sports bra and so far it hasn't come up again so fingers crossed it was just a shorter band giving me an issue after x amount of miles because of the sweat buildup causing the salt to chafe against my skin.

Then later when I surpassed longer distances, I learned that the right side of my chest would start feeling heavy and start hurting when I ran on the road, but it would never happen when I was running on the track. I never noticed til now through this how much the surface makes a difference and how it impacts the rest of your body. There wasn't much I could do to correct this so I tried to continue my long run trainings on the track when it was available. Unfortunately Disney is mostly road running so I'm just going to pray and hope for the best that the day of, the adrenaline will keep me going and not feel the pain. I've found that doubling up on bras also helps a little bit so 🤞🤞 day of.

Remember I said switching to the Galloway training was much better than the original aggressive training plan I was on? That was another lesson learned from marathon training and why it requires more time and dedication and commitment. There's nothing wrong with training aggressively in a time crunch but it is very hard on your body, as well as your overall training mentality. It burns you out quicker and makes you feel exhausted week to week in the long runs. I was originally doing long runs once a week adding on a mile every week in an effort to reach 26.2 on race day. The Galloway training is very specific in not doing that at all. The long runs where miles are added on, are every 3 weeks(i.e. 17 miles, 20 miles, 23 miles, 26 miles 3 weeks apart each increasing distance), with the weeks in between them being shorter distances to help maintain what you conditioned without feelings burned out, so just 5-7 miles on average. It was a much more enjoyable and realistic schedule. Originally I felt overwhelmed like how am I going to add on 3 miles from the last time just like that in 3 weeks but you just take your time, give yourself a but of grace and make a plan you'll get through it. I told myself each time, I'll run up to the distance I got to last long run and walk the remaining 2-3 if I have to, to get it done. Most times I was able to complete them just fine, even if I had to switch to walking. I did have off days here and there when I just couldn't mentally do it. Running is more mental than physical, everyone tells you and it’s absolutely true. It felt like mental gymnastics trying to talk myself through it every time I felt like it was crushing me. I tried really hard to push through and finish it. My worst training long run was in mid October. I was going through a lot of shit and was in the wrong headspace and it really screwed me up for the run. I got to a mile 10 and couldn't do it anymore. I walked the remaining 7 but was just depressed about it the entire time. BUT I got the mileage in and it helped me for the next one which was 20 miles and I completed it strong. So yeah. Marathon training really tests you in a lot of ways.

I wish I had better, more concrete advice but from everyone’s experiences that have been shared with me, it truly is your own unique experience what you'll go through, encounter and what you'll be tested with.

Would I do this again? Currently I'm saying no because this training was a lot and definitely takes a lot of time, effort and dedication. As well as the fact it's very taxing on your body. I want to say for me, the Dopey will be a one and done but I also said that about the Princess half the first time I registered for it and look where we are now. I will say that Princess weekend (5k, 10k, half over 3 days) is MUCH easier and doable for me to do more regularly than a Dopey. I've conditioned my body at this point to handle those distances more regularly through quarantine when I was trying to stay active so it's also much more enjoyable now. A full 26.2 will always feel hard. Actually anything beyond a half will always feel hard. I think a half is the perfect distance for it to not feel too easy and just challenging enough.

Here are my long run training runs. I only included anything beyond a 10k since I consider that a warmup compared to a long run, but between all these runs are tons of various 5-6 mile short runs.

June 4, 2021 - 13.11 miles 2:31:20 road

June 11, 2021 - 15 miles 3:16:31 road

(Ran 14, walked 1)

June 18, 2021 - 15 miles 2:47:52 road

June 25, 2021 - 16 miles 2:55:20 road

July 4, 2021 - 17 miles 3:32:29 track (Ran 16, walked 1)

July 13, 2021 - 10 miles 1:50:59 track

July 18, 2021 - 13.1 miles 2:32:17 track

July 22, 2021 - 10 miles 1:57:08 track

July 30, 2021 - 10 miles 1:58:07 track

August 3, 2021 - 10 miles 1:56:43 track

August 15, 2021 - 13.1 miles 2:29:37 track

August 20, 2021 - 9 miles 1:52:24 track

August 28, 2021 - 8 miles 1:36:55 track

August 31, 2021 - 11 miles 2:17:05 track

September 4, 2021 - 8 miles 1:34:53 track

September 17, 2021 - 7 miles 1:21:07 road

September 19, 2021 - 13.1 miles 2:36:12 track

September 25, 2021 - 14 miles 2:44:10 track

October 3, 2021 - 15 miles 3:08:24 track

October 12, 2021 - 16 miles 3:18:55 road

October 21, 2021 - 17 miles 4:02:47 road

November 4, 2021 - 20 miles 4:03:10 road

November 13, 2021 - 10 miles 2:07:21 road

November 25, 2021 - 23 miles 4:49:26 road/track

December 6, 2021 - 10 miles 2:02:24 road

December 9, 2021 - 8 miles 1:43:39 road

December 15, 2021 - 12 miles walked 2:49:39 road

December 16, 2021 - 26 miles 5:56:19 23 miles ran, walked 3. track

December 28, 2021 - 7 miles 1:23:15 track

I leave today to journey to Disney for the Dopey challenge this week and I’m finally more excited than nervous and anxious. I’m still terrified of course, but I have some confidence now that this is possible. That someone won’t have to get back in there and drag my body over the finish line. I’m excited to report back in exactly one week from today that I completed this ultimate run goal. The funny but sad part is I don’t even get to rest when I come back. Okay, so I’ll rest for a week. But after that, I have to keep on my feet because I still have the Princess races to get back to in February with my girl Kerri. And this time, I convinced my coworker Sana in for a 5k, haha!

I don’t know about you, but here’s to a crazy start I’m feeling for 2022! See you at the finish line, bitches!😘